To Have Loved and Lost
by coffeefur
Summary: Sequel to"In Memory of a Friend".Tokiya pursues Mifuyu's will&flies to China,leaving Fuuko&their memories behind.They both agree for it to be the best, but as time goes by Fuuko realizes what she’s missing.But is it all too late?
1. Prologue

**Title**: **To Have Loved and Lost**

**Author: **FuJinGrL

**Anime Series:** Recca no Honou

**Rating: **PG-15

**Genre: **Romance, angst

**Disclaimer: **Recca no Honou doesn't belong to me. Copyright goes to the honorable creators and all credit goes to them. No profit, all entertainment. Usual disclaimer.

**Claimer: **Takaneko-san; Kamiyuki Fuuri

**Teaser:** Second and final sequel to Winds of a Dark Water, Death of a Crimson Rose. Setting is after the anime series, not the manga. THIS IS ENTIRELY DIFFERENT FORM THE MANGA PLOT! Please bear that in mind!

               Mikagami Tokiya pursues his sister's will for him and flies across the seas to Beijing, China, leaving Fuuko, and all of their memories, behind. They both agree for it to be the best, but as time goes by Fuuko realizes what she's missing. Can Fuuko find Tokiya and reclaim their lost love? Or is everything too late now that he's gone?

**PROLOGUE**

Cheers erupted wildly and the whole stadium roared. Deafening sounds of applause echoed throughout the halls and light bulbs flashed uncontrollably. A handsome young man slowly climbed up the stage. 

The moment he got to the center, he turned to face the crowd, his eyes scanning, his mind whirling. A sea of happy faces looked back at him. But he didn't seem to notice.

He wasn't there. He felt like he was somewhere else, watching this very scene unfold on somebody else's life. He was wandering somewhere, away from all the commotion, from all the noise, from everyone and everything else.

But he couldn't have cared less if he was dead or if he was just a spirit floating off. Because right now all he had set his mind on was to find that familiar face, that lovely face he'd been searching for since the beginning of all that was happening.

His eyes continued to sweep across the crowd, darting back and forth absently.

But he was snapped back to reality when a shining medal was handed to him. And as the Dean shook his hand, he quickly got off the stage, and the announcer once again declared, "Mikagami Tokiya, graduating summa cum laude!" All the girls screamed at the mention of his name again.

He slumped down on his seat, dropping the medal on the carpeted floor and burying his head into his hands, oblivious to all the uproar around him.

I don't need all this, he thought, as an image of a woman slowly began to form in his head.

There's no damn point if you're not even here…

***

People walking back and forth. Attendants running to get paperwork done. Prompts booming loudly from the speakers. Kids scurrying excitedly around the legs of their parents. Lovers kissing each other goodbye. 

But there was no sign of short purple hair, or of typical denim shorts.

His light blue eyes narrowed in disappointment as he suppressed a sigh. 

"Hel-lo! Earth to Tokiya? I've been babbling for like, hours now about your departure and you're not even listening!" A black-haired boy with an orange cap smirked at him, frowning.

"Recca-kun!" A beautiful, brown-haired young lady glared meaningfully at the capped boy, frowning slightly. "Don't be so insensitive," she demanded softly. Recca shrugged and kicked at the tiled floor with his sneaker.

The lady sighed and looked back cheerfully at Tokiya. "Sumimasen, Mikagami-sempai…Fuuko-chan couldn't come…" she trailed off as she saw a glint of depression on his eyes. A very small glint. Mikagami Tokiya wasn't really known for having emotions. But she knew that he was still human, and every human had a heart. She knew Tokiya well enough to know that he was just hiding everything he felt. 

And she knew him well enough to know that he loved Fuuko more than he would ever admit.

"Daijoubu," she continued, wanting to cheer him up. "I'm sure she has a good excuse," she smiled.

But Tokiya kept staring blankly out the doors, oblivious to her speaking to him.

She sighed. "Ne, Mikagami-san, we should go now; we don't want you to be left behind by your flight," she said softly. "I'll be sure to give Fuuko-chan a lecture, okay?" she grinned. "I, Sakoshita Yanagi, will make sure of that!"

Mikagami turned to look at her expressionlessly for a second, then slung his backpack on his shoulder and started walking towards the ticket checks without a word.

Yanagi looked at Hanabishi Recca worriedly, and Recca just shrugged. He began following Mikagami, and so did everyone else in their small group of friends.

And just when he was about to reach the lobby to the plane, Mikagami suddenly stopped short and turned to look outside the windows again, still as impassive as ever.

And after a few minutes of silence, he felt someone tugging on the leg of his pants. Irritably, he looked down.

A small, spiky-haired boy with fangs was grinning up at him. "Ne, Mikagami-neesan, you shouldn't really worry about Fuuko-neechan anymore. I'm sure she's doing just fine. Don't worry; I'll tell her how much you missed her," he smiled.

"Sou da, Mikagami-neesan! You should just go ahead. When you come back, I'm sure Fuuko-neechan will be the first one to meet you!" Another child, a cute little girl, beamed.

"Ganko…Koganei…" Mikagami blinked down, clueless, at them both. He looked up at his other friends. A bulky, muscular man was grinning goofily at him. "Don't forget to write," the man gave him a thumbs-up sign.

"Domon—" he was cut off by a big, hearty slap on his back. "Remember that I'm not through with you yet!" Recca smirked challengingly at him. "Come back right away so we can finish our battle, ya hear?"

"Hanabishi…" he trailed off and his eyes caught sight of Yanagi, who was looking at him with a comforting smile on her face. He watched vaguely as she slowly walked towards him. Then she tiptoed and kissed him on the cheek.

He blinked, not knowing what to say. In the background, Hanabishi was fuming, although he was trying hard not to show it.

Yanagi smiled again. "Arigatou gozaimasu, sempai…for everything…please take care of yourself…" 

Yanagi-san…he thought, and he looked around at his friends again, who had all gathered to see him off. Who had all sacrificed their time just so they could make sure he left safely.

And he realized how lucky he was to have them.

He gave a small nod. "Wakatta. Sayo nara, minna-san." And he turned around to leave.

Sayo nara…he thought wistfully, overwhelming sadness enveloping him.

Fuuko …


	2. Longing

**PART ONE**

**Longing**

"Omedetou gozaimasu, minna!!!" 

"Omedetou!!!" Everyone responded to Hanabishi Recca's cheers, and they all clinked glasses in sheer joy.

Everyone except Kirisawa Fuuko, who was just sitting wordlessly, staring at her plate like it held the meaning of life. And she hadn't been moving for the past half hour as practically the whole world around her was jumping for joy.

Now clearly, this caught Sakoshita Yanagi's attention, and she looked worriedly at her.

"Wahoo!!!" Hanabishi cheered on, chugging down his glass of sake like he hadn't drunk in days. Yanagi frowned and threw her spoon at him. It hit him right in the face, leaving a red streak all over it.

"Ow!" Recca frowned, rubbing his cheek. "Ne, hime, what the heck was that for?!?"

"I can't believe how slow you are!" Yanagi jerked her head towards Fuuko's direction. 

Realization dawned on Hanabishi's eyes as he turned serious and put down his glass. Domon did the same. Recca leaned over to where Fuuko was sitting. "Ano…Fuuko-chan…daijoubu desu ka…?" 

Silence.

"Fuuko…?"

Same thing.

"Fuuko!"

"H-huh…?" Fuuko blinked and her head snapped up to face him. "Doushite…?"

Recca shook his head. There was definitely something wrong, and it was starting to freak him out. Fuuko was not a quiet person. Usually she was spunky, energetic and loud. She was a wild gal, and usually she was always…moving. She loved to babble and chat for days and you could hear her ranting even from a thousand miles away. She couldn't stay put for two seconds and she couldn't keep quiet about something for dear life.

But now she was not moving, not speaking, and not even blinking. Heck, for a minute there he had even forgotten that she existed! She was like some sort of tree that just suddenly sprouted right there beside him in the bar.

Except that a tree actually would have had some life, he thought, shaking his head. "Fuuko-chan, you've been staring at your plate for ages! Onegai, tell us what's wrong. You haven't touched your food since we got here! I mean, look at everyone! They're all just smiling, and laughing…we all just graduated, you know! We can do whatever we want now!"

Yanagi bobbed her head in agreement. "You know you have always counted on us for the past years that we've all been friends. You can trust us to help you with whatever's bothering you! So please, Fuu-chan."

"…" Fuuko looked down again. "…daijoubu, minna…"

Domon cocked his brow. "Alright? You can't be alright, Fuuko! You haven't been yourself!"

"I know…" Fuuko admitted. "It's just…" her eyes rested on an empty chair across from her, and all of a sudden she didn't feel like she wanted to be there anymore. Tears started to well up her eyes and she immediately pushed back her chair and stood up. "Gomen…" She looked away from them before they could see her break down, and she dashed out the door, leaving her friends staring open-mouthed after her.

***

It's been a year.

Fuuko stared at herself in her bedroom mirror.

Did anything ever change…?

She glanced at her now long, purple hair, frowning.

No, I don't really think so.

One whole year.

If so, then…how did I survive…?

How did I live through every single day…for one long year…without you…?

Without the warmth of your smile…the picture of your face…the comfort of your embrace…the sweetness of your kiss…

Without hearing your voice…

Without feeling your touch…

Without your love…

To make me look forward to living each of my days…

Tokiya…

She slid her fingers down on the mirror, as hot tears started to roll down her cheek.

Tokiya…why did you ever go…?

Why did you ever leave me here…to suffer through all the sleepless nights…driving myself crazy…

To go through each day…trying my best to live my life again like I used to…going to school…seeing my friends…and then coming back home just to miss you again…and again…

Why did you have to leave all the pain here with me…? Why did you have to make me miss you…long for your touch…for your smile…your love…

She clenched her fist and closed her eyes, tears flowing endlessly from her eyes.

She had changed.

Years ago she wouldn't have found herself crying like a child. She was a strong-hearted woman; she didn't need to have any upsetting emotion ruin her day. She was a wild and crazy, happy-go-lucky gal. She didn't have room to feel sorry for herself, or for anything, for that matter. Just a smile and all her depression would be gone. She was built tough inside, and she wouldn't have cried if it were the last day of her life. 

And everyone knew that. Everyone knew better than to try and mess with her. She was an independent girl. She didn't need anyone else; and nobody needed her as well. And she was satisfied with that.   

But when he came into her life, her whole world changed. Her heart had softened, as she had now known and felt how it was to love—and to be loved. She thought it had felt good. She had been given a reason to get up each morning, and to look forward to each day. Love was the reason why she had become a different person.

She had become more conservative; her actions had become more feminine. Her words were now gentle, her touch softer, her laughter lovelier. She had learned to depend on another, for that someone had depended on her. She had learned to live for that man, and do what she could for him, just like he did for her.

Her heart opened up. Her emotions were clearly visible now. She had learned to spill out everything she felt to him, and feel everything for him that she hadn't felt for anyone all her life.

Loving him made her mornings brighter, the breeze cooler, her nights warmer, her life sweeter. Never had she felt this way before. Everything was in him. He had become her reason for living.

But when he left, she felt like all the sweetness in this world left with him. Everything around her crumbled. 

Darkened. 

Shattered.

She broke down. Her life was a wreck and she was a mess. It now seemed like all she could do was cry, every day and every night…every second of missing him so badly…every minute of regretting ever letting him go…every time of wishing like crazy that he was right there beside her…to tell her how much he loved her…give her heart back…and make her love again…

Now she would just cry like a baby…cry until her eyes fail to release any more tears…

She was ruined.

Her life was ruined.

And she had a feeling it will never be alright again.

"Damn it!!!" She hit the mirror forcefully, breaking it into pieces and sending shards to sink into her fist.

"Damn you, Tokiya!!! Why did you have to leave???" She cried out, oblivious to the blood oozing out of her hand. "I loved you…" she sobbed. "I love you, damn it!!!" she shouted again. Slowly, she slid down against the wall and fell on her knees. "I love you…so much…" 

Yes, she was going crazy.

She continued sobbing, failing to stop her tears as she hugged her knees to her chest. She was scared. She was scared of being alone. She was scared of not having anyone by her side, to protect her and care for her…to embrace her and tell her everything would be okay…

Suddenly the air seemed to thicken around her, as she found it hard to breathe. The silence of her room was deafening, and every sob that came out of her lips was slowly tearing up her heart. She felt so small and empty, cuddled on a corner of her dark room, all alone. 

Alone…

Alone.

And it was slowly crushing her heart, her very soul. She was dying of all the emptiness and pain in her life. And she couldn't bear it.

I was a fool to let you go, Tokiya…it was all my fault…I had been too proud to let you know that I couldn't live without you…that I'm not that strong enough…to let you walk away from me…from my life…

It's all my fault…I'm the one to blame…I'm pathetic…worthless…I didn't even come to your graduation…or see you off that day…I couldn't even tell you how much I love you before you left…

She threw the diploma in her hand across the room, sobbing even more. 

I don't deserve all this…I don't deserve a party of friends to congratulate me…How could I have gone through each day…trying to act like nothing was wrong…that things are still the same…that everything is just like the way they were before…

Her eyes were tired; she was tired. Her mouth was running dry and she was tired of crying. Yet somehow, her tears couldn't stop falling. Her tears would never let her go off to be happy. She had a feeling she'd be crying, hurting, aching…for the rest of her life. And she felt even worse than she had before. 

Tokiya…

She shut her eyes close, cuddling herself tighter.

…please…

…come home…  


	3. To Reach You Once Again

**PART TWO**

**To reach you once again**

"Okay, what the heck, was that?" Recca frowned, staring at the door, where Fuuko had disappeared at the speed of light a while earlier.

Domon shrugged. "Beats me."

Yanagi glanced at the empty chair across from Fuuko's, which was empty as well. She shook her head and sighed. "I think she's missing Mikagami-sempai again."

"You've got to be kidding," Recca turned to look at her. "Hasn't she gotten over that yet? For goodness' sake, he left a year ago! He's gone now; didn't that fact get to her? I mean, she didn't even see him off at the airport!"

"Recca-kun no baka," Yanagi pouted disapprovingly. "Of course she's upset that he left! I bet she couldn't bear to see him leave and decided she was better off not seeing him go, thinking she'd get hurt less that way. And now that it's almost a year since he left, she's probably had enough time to let it sink in now, and she's more depressed than ever."

"Sou…demo…didn't they break up before he left…?" Domon protested in honest confusion.

"I know," Yanagi admitted thoughtfully. "Maybe she still likes him…?"

"You are so right," Hanabishi nodded. "She'd just too stubborn to admit it. Or maybe she's afraid we'd tease her or something. Or probably she really loves him and just thought that breaking up with him was for the best, since he was leaving anyway."

"…" Domon looked down speechlessly. Recca's brow twitched as he sneaked a glance at him and noticed that he seemed disappointed. A mischievous grin spread across Recca's face. So Domon was still keeping his hopes up for Fuuko after all these years…?

"And you know," he added, particularly making Domon hear, "I bet she loves Mikagami so much that she practically can't sleep every night just thinking of him. She probably goes crazy with each passing minute, missing those days when Mikagami would give her a passionate, heart-stopping, and breathtaking kiss each and every second of the day. They kissed so much that it's probably the reason why Fuuko doesn't talk much anymore because of her tired lips. Who knows if they'd already done something really naughty and we don't even know about it because they wanted to keep it a secret for as long as they keep doing it again and again and—"

"Oh, shut up, Recca-kun!" Yanagi hit his head forcefully with a frying pan from who-knows-where. "Instead of making up some stupid rumors about them, why don't you just help me think of something to cheer up our friend, okay???"

He rubbed his head, wincing. "Whatever…" he mumbled, looking at Domon. He looked like he was on the verge of breaking down. Recca bit back a satisfied smile. He was successful.

"Okay," Yanagi chewed on her thumbnail. "I want to make Fuuko return to her old, spunky self again."

"And there's no other way but to let her be in Tokiya's arms again," Recca snorted. "But the guy's in China for the fulfillment of his beloved oneechan's promise. How are we supposed to make him come back here? Get those airport agents to drag him away from the Great Wall down here to Japan?" he chuckled, getting a mental picture of Tokiya, flailing and kicking and trying to break free from the travel agent's clutches.

But Yanagi suddenly snapped her fingers that Domon jerked up a bit in surprise. "I've got it!!!" She immediately grabbed her cell phone and started punching in numbers on her keypad.

Recca's eyes widened. "Y-you're not…going to call Mikagami, are you…?" But when Yanagi didn't respond, he started to freak out. "I can't believe you have Mikagami's number!!! And you actually call him often!!!" He began flinging his arms around so much that Domon had to hold him back to keep him from destroying the whole bar.

"I do not have his number and I'm not calling Mikagami-san!" Yanagi frowned.

"You're…not…?" Recca stared at her, dumbfounded.

Yanagi shook her cute head.

"What are you doing, then?" Domon asked impatiently.

It was then that she smiled deviously at both of them.

"I'm booking tickets to China."

***

Recca sniffed for the umpth time. His eyes were tearing up so much that his sight was blurring. He blinked. Again. And again. 

He sniffed and sighed. He shut his eyes tightly and opened them again; his sight was clearing a bit now. He blinked again, squinting, trying to see where he was going--

"Ouch!"

--and failed miserably. He reached up to rub his forehead, feeling it throb in pain. He had just successfully hit a post.

"Will you stop moaning now and try to focus on the street you're walking on? All the posts aren't automatically going to just move out of your way, you know," Yanagi scolded him, although examining his forehead with a worried look on her face.

Recca sniffed again. "I can't help it. I've lost more money than my part-time job pays me for a whole year," he said hoarsely. "And I didn't even get anything for me!"

Yanagi smiled. "Daijoubu, itoshii," she said soothingly, "It's going to be worth it. And you'll be paid back, I promise." She tiptoed and kissed his forehead lightly where a lump had formed. "Besides, these are tickets to Beijing. We're going to have a blast! I know I would…" she trailed off, looking at him with a blush.

Recca immediately stopped sobbing. Even the pain on his forehead died away. All he could see now was his koibito's beautiful face, smiling at him…and the thought that they would be away from home…from their parents…together in a foreign country…

He swallowed. They could do whatever they want…and they could even—

He shook his head and the pain throbbed back to him. His face felt hot, and he was flushing too much. Yanagi was looking worriedly at him again. "Recca-kun…?"

"A-ano…Hime-chan…l-let's just go, okay…?" He swallowed again, shaking all his thoughts out of his head.

"H-hai…" Yanagi replied, still looking confused.

Recca took her hand and they continued walking down the street in silence. It wasn't until they reached the local café that Yanagi spoke again.

"Ne, Recca-kun…isn't that…Fuuko-chan…?" she said uncertainly, peering into the café window.

"Hey, you're right! Perfect timing! We could tell her about the trip to Freezer Boy!" he beamed. Yanagi bobbed her head and they stepped inside.

But the moment they did, they realized that perhaps, they could be making a mistake. From the look on Fuuko's face, it seemed like her nervous system had died and she couldn't move a muscle, not even on her face. She didn't seem to have a feeling left in her to emote about anymore. Perhaps she'd cried them all out…?

Yanagi slowly slipped into the seat beside her, watching Fuuko intently. Her head was down low, a hand holding a spoon, which was dipped into a cup of coffee. If it was even coffee. It looked so different you'd think that it had been sitting there on the table for ages, even from the beginning of the prehistoric period. In fact, a small fly was drinking right out of her cup, and Fuuko didn't even realize it yet. 

Yanagi shooed the fly away with her hand and looked at Recca meaningfully, who was standing beside her, staring at Fuuko in shock. "Fuuko…?"

Yanagi immediately reached out to feel Fuuko's forehead, and Fuuko jerked up, blinking, staring curiously at Yanagi like she was an Eskimo in the middle of Japan. It took a minute for Fuuko to recognize her. "Y-Yanagi-san!" she looked up at Recca. "Hanabishi! N-nani shiteru yo?"

"Actually, we should be the ones asking you that," Recca took a seat across from her. "What are you doing, getting into a trance like that in a place like this, alone? You're not posing for a painting or something, are you?"

Fuuko didn't seem to hear the joke. She just mumbled a small "nothing".

Recca sighed and nodded at Yanagi. She nodded back and turned to Fuuko. "Fuuko-chan, we all know you're a bit…um…disturbed by the fact that Mikagami-sempai—" she paused; Fuuko seemed to have flinched at the sound of his name, "—left for China a year ago," she continued. "And we all understand that you're having a bit of a hard time trying to get over him; you know, not being able to eat or sleep well and—"

"A hard time?" Fuuko blurted out suddenly. "What do you mean, a hard time? I'm not having a hard time at all! I mean, I don't really think of him much anymore, you know? He's gone now; there's no point in brooding all over it! Why should I moan over something that doesn't even concern me anymore?" Fuuko beamed at them both enthusiastically. "Besides, we've fully graduated now! Hundreds of possibilities in our lives are out there waiting for us! Why think of things back in the past? We should be thinking of our future! You know, look in the ads, search for a job, earn money, and get a life!"

Yanagi and Recca stared at her even more, gaping in utter shock. One minute Fuuko was having a staring contest with a coffee fly, and the next thing they knew she was talking super fast like it was the last day of her life. For goodness sake, she was talking about her future! What the heck was up with that?

"…and did you even hear about the new restaurant that's opening just around the block? I could apply for a waitress right there!" Fuuko continued in her sudden stream of consciousness. "Or hurry on over to the mall and get a job. I could start my own business if I want to, and I can earn big bucks and we can all go to England or something and we can meet the—"

"Whoa, slow down girl! Wait just a darn minute," Recca broke her in. "Are you forgetting that we're all still here in Tokyo's local café, just a day after our graduation? I mean, I haven't even solved my money problem yet. So don't go drifting off to England just yet, okay?"

Fuuko stopped short, blinking at him. But then after a second, she started babbling again.

Recca shook his head. Fuuko wasn't very good at lying to herself. She was no good at hiding her feelings either. She wasn't acting like herself at all, but still she claimed that Mikagami's departure hadn't affected her in any way? She had got to be kidding.

Yanagi was looking worried. Fuuko was so wrapped up in her emotions that she probably didn't know how to feel or what to say anymore. She looked at Recca for help. He took Fuuko's hand and she stopped talking again. 

"Fuuko, please, cut the crap and quit fooling yourself. If you're upset about Tokiya, then just tell us, okay? We're willing to listen; you know we'd do anything to help you feel better. So please, just this once, face the truth. It would make it easier for you, and for us," he said.

Fuuko sighed and her shoulders dropped. She was silent for a while, then she whispered in a helpless tone, "Mi-chan has gone to China…there's nothing you can do."

"But there is," Yanagi smiled calmly at her. "There is something we can do. Because if we can't bring Mikagami-san back, we can go over there ourselves!"

Fuuko looked at her. "That's ridiculous," she commented. "Just the plane ticket to Beijing would cost a ton of money (Recca muttered a small, "you can say that again") and once we do get there, it would be impossible to still have enough pocket money to live through a single day in there. And did you even think about the trip back?" she shook her head. "It's insane to think that we can actually—"

But Yanagi held up three tickets that clearly stated that it wasn't impossible. Fuuko's eyes widened and she lost her train of thought. All she could think of was, Oh—my—god.

***

Sugoi, Fuuko mused, gaping around in the plane. She had never been in an airplane before, and she had no idea how nice and comfortable it was inside.

"S-sumimasen, 'neechan, demo…um…you're blocking the way…" the stewardess gave her a faint smile.

"Oh!" Fuuko snapped out of her amazement and smiled apologetically at the stewardess. "Gomen ne," and she slowly walked down the aisle. She fumbled in her pocket for a small piece of paper and squinted in it to see her seat number. Now where am I supposed to go…

"Fuuko-chan!!! Over here!!!" A loud shout over at the left side of the plane caught her attention. She turned to see Hanabishi waving his arms frantically at her for dear life. She rolled her eyes and grinned, hurrying over to him.

"You know, I can see you perfectly well already; so you don't have to wave like you're trying to land a helicopter or something," Fuuko laughed as she reached him. 

Hanabishi grinned. "Irrashaimase," and he led her over to where Yanagi was sitting. She beamed at the sight of her. "Ohayo gozaimasu," she greeted.

"Ohayo," Fuuko said, looking around again. "This is really nice," she commented again. "I'm really glad you guys came to this just for me. I appreciate it a lot."

Hanabishi waved his hand around. "Not a problem. I'm always happy to help out a friend. It's no big deal," he forced a smile. Crap…I'm all broke now…he wailed inwardly.

"Really? Because I thought the tickets would be really expensive…thanks anyway; I owe you one," Fuuko clapped Recca on the back, who was trying hard like he meant what he had said back then. Yanagi giggled and Fuuko grinned. But just then, a large shadow fell over her, and she could feel someone's hands closing in on her bag's handle…of all the places to rob her of her stuff--!

She abruptly turned around and raised her fist. "Why you—what the…?" Instead of the robber she was expecting, she immediately saw a nose ring and that oh-so-familiar face that she'd been dreading to see. 

"Domon?!?"

The huge man waved his hand dramatically. "That's right!!! I, Ishijima Domon, am here to protect my one and only!!! Forever will I be here to follow and serve my beloved! I am here to protect her from any sort of harm and keep her safe in my arms for all eternity!!! I am—"

"Oh, shut up, you big oaf!" And she planted a huge one on his face, sending him flying down the aisle. Fuuko turned to Yanagi. "Yanagi-san, help me! You never told me he's coming, too!!!"

Yanagi just shrugged and smiled. "Recca-kun only bought tickets for us three. He chose to come himself," she giggled, pointing to Domon. "You heard what he said; he wants to 'protect his beloved'!"

Fuuko moaned out loud. "Don't tell me he gets to sit beside me???"

"Well…" 

"Oh no!!!" Fuuko clapped her hand to her forehead just as Domon came up to her side again, puffing up his chest. "Do you need any help with your luggage?" he asked importantly.

Fuuko glared at him. "I can carry my stuff myself, thank you very much," she snapped and slumped down on the window seat behind Recca and Yanagi's seats. Domon sat down beside her, to her utter dismay.

After a while, Hanabishi turned around at her and asked, "Ne, Fuuko-san, what took you so long to get here, anyway? We were starting to wonder if you'd decided to back out."

"It's my first time in an airport, you know. It hard to find your way with so many people bustling around in all directions," she replied. "It's really cool, though," she smiled, setting her eyes on a small device attached to her seat. "Look, it even has some sort of mini-radio here."

"Sou," Domon agreed, moving closer to her. "And I especially like the way the seats are built so close to each other…"

Fuuko stomped her foot forcefully on Domon's and he let out a yelp. "Dream on, Domon."

Recca shook his head, laughing, as he shifted back into his seat beside Yanagi's.

"Attention all passengers, attention all passengers," a voice boomed out from the speakers overhead. "We will be leaving for Beijing in a few minutes' time. Please take your seats. We will be departing shortly. Please fasten your seatbelts and secure your belongings. We hope that you will enjoy your trip. Thank you very much."

Fuuko did as told and looked out the window up at the sky, excitement coursing through her. They were headed for China, and she was going to see Tokiya again.

A few moments later, she could feel the plane starting to move.

They were leaving.


	4. Sudden Devastation Within

**PART THREE**

**Sudden devastation within**

The sky was a perfect color of light blue, and the clouds were white mists swiftly moving with the wind. The birds were floating gloriously over them, soaring high into the endless sky. A soft, cool breeze was blowing gently by, caressing her hair and her face. Everywhere she looked she could see happy faces, beaming, almost leaving a calming and peaceful atmosphere of Christmas. She took a step forward on the wide street, taking in the freshness of the air and the smell of China. She was here. She made it. And she loved it.

But her love itself wasn't here.

"Fuuko!!!"  
  


Or was it?

She squinted farther down the street, and she could almost make out the silhouette of a man, running towards her. She stayed in her place, as she watched the man coming closer, and closer, until he was near enough for her to get a clearer view of his features…

She could see it…long, bluish-silver hair in a ponytail, bouncing up and down as he ran towards her…beautiful, light blue eyes so delighted to see her…and that face…that familiar face she'd been wanting to see all this time…

Oh god, it's—

"Mi-chan!!!"

And she ran towards him as well, tears blurring her eyes, wishing longingly to be in his arms again—

All time seemed to have stopped right there and then, as the two lovers met in a warm embrace in the middle of the street, never wanting to be anywhere else but with each other.

"Oh, Mi-chan…"

"Fuuko…my love, I was a fool to let you go…I miss you so much and I can't live though a single day without you…"

"Mi-chan, I miss you, too, and I don't know if I can ever live without you again…"

"I need you here in my arms, Fuuko, and I love you more than anything else, more than life itself. I'd give everything just to be with you forever. I promise you that I will never ever let you go again, and I promise to love you until the world is through…yes, my love, we will be together forever."

"Oh, Mi-chan…" Fuuko whispered, looking deeply into his eyes. "Kiss me…"

Tokiya smiled the sweetest smile Fuuko had ever seen and cupped her cheek with his gentle fingers, slowly lifting her face. He leaned closer. Fuuko could feel strands of his long hair hanging forward on her face, and his breath, mixing with hers…she looked into his beautiful eyes and got lost just as he closed them…he slightly parted his lips, just as Fuuko closed her eyes…and their noses rubbed…any moment now she would be able to taste his ecstatic lips again…and drown in his mouth that has never failed to make her shiver in pure pleasure…enticing her soul…she would lose herself in his arms…and offer herself to him…with just one touch of his tantalizing, seductive lips…this is it…what she'd been waiting for…she could feel it coming closer…

Closer…

And closer…

Until she couldn't feel the few strands of hair on her face anymore; and she could feel something cold and metallic touching her cheek. It was a…

A…

A nose ring???

She opened her eyes to find that handsome face replaced by an extremely unpleasant one, its eyes closed, its lips puckered, only about an inch away from her face.

"Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

A loud wailing of pain followed after the high-pitched scream. An image of a bulky man flew out of his seat.

A commotion immediately arose in the plane. People jerking out of their seats in surprise, snapping wide awake, panicking, and gathering around the now unconscious man on the floor. A burst of murmur spread out all over, and a rush of stewardesses approached the scene immediately. 

"What the heck happened? Who screamed?" Recca got up to face Fuuko, who was panting so much in her seat, scared to death, her hand balled into a mighty fist. Recca's eyes fell on the man on the floor. "Domon!" He hurried over to him. "Wake up! Speak to me! Say something!" he shook his shoulders in attempt to bring him back to his senses. Domon uttered something that sounded distinctly like, "very dangerous".

Yanagi came rushing to Fuuko's side, concerned. "What happened, Fuuko…?"

Fuuko pointed a shaking finger at Domon's direction. "Th-that m-monster tried to k-kiss me!!!"

"What???" Recca and Yanagi cried out at the same time. Then after a while, Yanagi cleared her throat and turned to everyone with an apologetic smile on her face. "Honto ni gomen nasai, minna-san, it was just some sort of misunderstanding, really, it's no big deal…please don't mind us…we're really, really sorry for the disturbance…"

One by one, the passengers, frowning, went back to what they were doing. Even the stewardesses went back to their posts, muttering "unbelievable" and "what a pain" in their annoyance.  Yanagi turned back to her friends. Recca shook Domon awake. "What the heck did you try to kiss her for?"

Domon clutched his cheek, where a big, round bruise had formed. "Ugh…well, she was saying 'kiss me' in her sleep, and I thought that, well…"

Yanagi's eyes widened. She turned to face Fuuko. "You were saying 'kiss me' in your sleep???"

Fuuko's face reddened. She felt all the blood rush to her face. "W-well, I was…uh…um…"

"But then again," Domon continued, "she was saying Tokiya's name, not mine…"

"What???" Recca and Yanagi cried out again. Fuuko thought she would die on the spot.

"I just thought that since she was asking for a kiss, and I was the only one around, I might as well give her one. I mean, I'm a really good kisser and I bet I can kiss so much better than Tokiya can and I—"

"Not in a million years, you jerk!!!" Fuuko gave him another powered punch that sent him flying away, Recca after him. Fuuko turned to Yanagi. "Yanagi-chan, please help me!!! He's driving me nuts!!! I can't have a maniac sitting right next to me!!! Please!!!" she cried desperately.

Yanagi smiled. "You can switch places with Recca-kun, then," she offered.

"Oh, thank you!!!" She grabbed her bag and practically jumped into Hanabishi's seat, rubbing her forehead and muttering words to herself. "That stupid jerk! Who does he think he is to just go and try to kiss me like that whenever he wants to? Does he really think he's Mr. Smooth or something? What kind of a busted ego does he have anyway? He's just a no good, downright maniac from god-knows-where! He doesn't even have a good face! Honestly…" 

Yanagi looked sideways at her friend. She seemed really pissed off about this. After all, Domon had only told them the truth. That was how Domon always was, even from before. So why was Fuuko taking it so personally? Domon had always been a maniac. So what was it that's bothering Fuuko so much? Unless it had something to do with what Domon said…

"Ne…Fuuko-chan…" Yanagi interrupted Fuuko's burst of emotions. "Why are you so mad, anyway? Domon was only doing what he always does. Haven't you gotten used to that yet?"

Fuuko gave Yanagi a look of death. "He's an unstoppable green-minded jerk!!! Do you honestly think that trying to kiss me is something that he always does??? "

It was more of a statement rather than a question. Yanagi wanted to say yes, but thought better of it. Fuuko seemed to be in a very bad mood. 

"Demo…is it true that you were…um…telling Mikagami-sempai to uh…kiss you…in your sleep…?"

Fuuko looked like she was on the verge of exploding. Her face had gone as red as hot sauce and a vein was actually throbbing in her forehead. "NO! I was not saying that!!! That intolerable liar was making it up!!!"

Yanagi actually pressed herself against her seat, afraid that Fuuko might hit her or something. But instead, she abruptly changed the topic, frowning. "Where the heck are we, anyway? When's that food cart going to come? Don't they know that we're all starving to death? What time is it? How long does it take to get to China, anyway? What kind of a stupid pilot flies his plane slower than a snail moves?"

Yanagi sighed and looked out the window, shaking her head. From the looks of it, it was going to be literally and figuratively, a long, long trip. 

***

"I thought we'd never get off that lousy plane! I mean, my butt's gotten all numb now…" Recca complained at the Beijing airport, stretching out his arms in the air. "Not to mention a certain someone here kept crying out time after time, therefore ever-so-politely preventing me from getting some beauty sleep!"

"I can't help it if my cheek swells a lot! It stings, you know…" Domon reasoned, clutching his bruised cheek. "I'm just thankful that it hasn't swollen to the size of a basketball yet."

"It's not going to swell like a basketball, baka!" Fuuko rolled her eyes. "It's just a little slap; how bad can it be?" She swung her backpack over her shoulder and sauntered over to where Yanagi was standing near the exit.

"And she calls herself a college graduate," Domon whispered grumpily to Hanabishi. "She can't even tell the difference between 'little' and 'the biggest thing the world has ever seen'," he snorted.

Recca merely shook his head and picked up his own bag, motioning for Domon to follow him to where the girls were standing.

"Domo arigatou gozaimasu," Yanagi bowed to the stranger she was speaking with, who bowed all the same and left. Recca approached her. "Ne, hime, who was that?"

"Luckily, he's Japanese. I asked him if he knew where we could find this apartment," she showed him a small piece of paper with an address on it. "According to the travel agency, this is where Mikagami-sempai is staying. I'm not too sure if he's still staying there, though; it's been a year, you know," she admitted.

"It's worth a shot anyway," Fuuko beamed happily. "After all, we don't really have much of a choice." She couldn't wait to see him. Just the fact that they were already here in Beijing…and that dream she had…was Tokiya going to wrap her in a hug and tell her he missed her? Would he tell her that he made a mistake in breaking up with her and that he would never make the same mistake again? Or would he keep silent, and simply close his eyes and nibble her lips…give her a long, passionate kiss…until she runs out of breath--

"And if Tokiya isn't there--?" Domon asked, interrupting Fuuko's tingling daydream.

All at once Fuuko's smile turned nasty. She glared at him. Domon, who knew better than to mess with Fuuko now, took an apprehensive step backwards. 

"If he's not there, then," Fuuko sighed, looking out at the wide, busy streets, "I would search the whole of China just to find him."

***

"I give up."

Fuuko leaned limply against the wall of a ramen house, sliding down to massage her sore legs. Beside her, Yanagi could be seen sitting on the ground, fanning her exhausted self. It was almost 8:30 in the evening now, and although there were still many people walking back and forth on the streetlamp-lighted sidewalk, the gang felt like it was the dead of night and they were about to collapse right into bed. That was, if they ever got to one.

"Darn right we should," Domon panted, holding on to a telephone pole like it suddenly turned into gold and he wouldn't let go "We've been looking for Tokiya ever since we found out that he wasn't at his apartment at the moment, and if you ask me, we haven't had the least bit of luck in doing that."

"Don't you think I'd know that by now, Domon? I'm not as stupid as you are, you know," Fuuko gasped for air. "I can't help it…I just want to see him as soon as possible…" she sighed disappointedly at her friends. "But I guess I wouldn't be able to do that. Honto ni gomen nasai, minna…"

Recca stood up from the trashcan he was sitting on and sighed disapprovingly. "I can't believe you're giving up this easily, Fuuko! I mean, you just told us a few hours back that you'd search the whole of China just to—"

"Daijoubu, Fuuko, I'm sure Mikagami-san's home by this time already. We can head back to the apartment now, if you want," Yanagi cut in, looking at Fuuko sympathetically.

Fuuko smiled weakly at her. "Arigatou, Yanagi-chan…I'm really sorry for being so impatient…we really should have just stayed at our rooms in the apartment and waited until Mi-chan came back…"

"We all have our eagerness in some things," Yanagi giggled and exerted all the effort she could to stand up. Hanabishi rushed at her side to gently hold her arms and help her up. She smiled sweetly at him, and they stared at each other for a moment.

Fuuko let out a long sigh and looked away from the two. There they go again…if only Mi-chan was here to do that to me, too…

Domon sensed this and cleared his throat loudly. Recca and Yanagi jumped instantly away from each other.

"Um…" Domon looked at Fuuko intently. "Why don't we grab a bite to eat at this ramen house?" He suggested to the group, pointing at the store which wall Fuuko was leaning against. "Our stomachs are probably all writhing in pain now, anyway…"

***

Groan.

"I can't move."

"My stomach feels like it's going to explode."

"I can't even lift a finger."

Fuuko was found groaning in her seat at the ramen house an hour later, piles of empty bowls, plates, and cups on the table in front of her and her friends. She just had the best meal she'd ever tasted since she left Japan, but unfortunately, she had a price to pay. Her fully occupied stomach was clearly a proof of that.

"I'm fast approaching becoming a beggar…!" Recca wailed at the bill of his own food that he was looking at.

Okay. So Recca had a price to pay literally. But he was by far the person who earned the most money, so it was probably not a problem for him to pay the cost of a little meal.

"Um, sir," the waiter said in attempt to speak English, "you still have to pay for the service charge." And with that, Hanabishi fainted on the spot.

…okay, okay, so it was a problem to him. A big problem. But, didn't she have much bigger problems than that? Like maybe, seeing her Mi-chan and taking him back? She had to get a move on if she had wanted to get to Tokiya as soon as possible.

But apparently, she wouldn't be able to do that. Because Yanagi was now frantically shaking Recca's shoulders, feeling his pulse to check if he was still alright. "Oh, what do I do, what do I do?"

Fuuko sighed. Hanabishi obviously needed some TLC. The sooner he was given that, the sooner they'd be able to see Tokiya, so she said, "Do you want me to get you an ice bag?"

Yanagi looked at her like she'd just saved her from a burning building. "Oh, Fuuko-chan, that's really nice of you, arigatou…"

And the next thing Fuuko knew, she was walking down the sidewalk, her hands in her pockets, heading for the nearest convenience store. Sometimes, she was just way too nice for her own good. 

She paused outside a small store with a blinking sign that said, "Mei Ling's Stop and Shop". It looked the nearest to a convenience store than any of the other stores beside it, so Fuuko decided to give it a shot. She pushed open the glass door with a small 'cling, cling' from the chimes, and squinted a bit at the bright white light in the store. She looked slightly around and felt immediately at home. It was clearly one of those small-comfy-stores-that-don't-have-a-lot-of-people-shopping-in-them-but-have-great-business-anyway types of places. 

A pretty young lady with long black hair and Chinese eyes smiled at her as she entered. She smiled back and approached her. "Um, excuse me, do you sell ice bags here?"

The lady simply blinked innocently at her, eyebrows rising in question. Obviously the lady didn't seem to understand her.

Fuuko gulped. "Um…you know…bags…with, um…ice…?" she tried again, making some gestures with her hand. But she was caught in a surprise when the lady suddenly started to giggle. "I know what ice bags are," the lady replied. "I'm just surprised that you don't speak Chinese like everyone else does around here."

"You speak English?" Fuuko wondered out loud. "I mean, you speak English pretty well—"

"As a matter of fact, I speak only English. I'm a pure Chinese because my parents are pureblood, but I was born and raised in California, so I didn't really get to learn to speak Chinese. It's a drag most of the time, because the people here just look at me like I'm some sort of alien whenever I talk to them," she laughed lightly.

"Oh, I see…" Fuuko grinned. "Well, I'm lucky I bumped into you, because I don't know how to speak Chinese, either."

"You're not from America, are you…?" the lady asked. "Because you don't look American."

"I'm from Japan," Fuuko answered. "You don't happen to be Mei Ling…?"

The lady nodded. "My father owns the store, but he's passed it on to me." She smiled. "So, you were asking about ice bags?"

"Oh, right," Fuuko snapped her fingers. "I've got a friend back at the ramen house who's…well…mentally unstable right now, and I need to freshen him up."

"We have ice bags…" Mei Ling reached for one near the counter, "…but we don't sell ice."

"Oh…" Fuuko took the ice bag from her and frowned slightly. "What am I—"

"Why don't you just ask for some ice at that ramen house? I'm sure they'd be happy to give you some," Mei Ling suggested. Fuuko grinned.

That lady sure was nice…Fuuko thought to herself a few minutes later while walking back to the ramen house. I guess the people here aren't so bad; it's just like Japan, she mused. I hope Hanabishi learns from all this, eating so much more than his tummy can handle and not being able to pay his own bill. Maybe he might get—

"Ow!" She screamed out loud and stumbled backwards, almost tripping on the ground. The ice bag flew far away from her hand because of the force of the collision. The nerve of that person she bumped into! Couldn't even mutter a small sorry! Couldn't that person see that she was in a hurry?

Brows twitching in anger, she looked up in a glare. "Can't you bother to watch where the heck you're—" But she stopped dead short. Her breath caught in her throat; her heart practically stopped beating. She felt all the air being sucked out of her chest. She couldn't believe it.

Long, silver-blue hair…tantalizing light blue eyes…that handsome face…a face she had been longing to see again…and that amusing look of total surprise on his face…

Suddenly, her heart was swelling with joy. "Mi-chan!" She jumped at him and flung her arms around his neck, just as Tokiya was pushed backwards, taken aback. Fuuko hugged him tight and closed her eyes. "I missed you so much…" she whispered to him and let go, beaming cheerfully up at him.

Tokiya blinked down at her, obviously still in shock. "Fuuko…" he whispered almost inaudibly. For about a split second, Fuuko could've sworn that she saw his eyes soften with relief and passion at the sight of her. 

But then he looked abruptly away and started walking, towards her, past her, away from her.

He was gone.

And Fuuko was left alone in the sidewalk in shock…alone to deal with the pain that was slowly crushing her heart.


	5. Bitter Encounters

**PART FOUR**

**Bitter encounters**

Yanagi was snapped widely awake. She immediately felt all sorts of pain from her head to her toes and it came to her that she had fallen on the floor. Luckily it was carpeted.

She groaned and tried to sit up, looking back longingly at the bed she was supposed to be in. Unfortunately, some sort of stampede was going on in it at the moment, because Fuuko was waving her legs around like she was trying to swim, and her arms were flailing up and down, her fists balled. Yanagi was going to get a heart attack if she climbed back into that bed. Not to mention she might get confined in a hospital for who knows how long.

Yanagi sighed and stood up, glancing at the wall clock. 8:15 am. In about thirty minutes' time she would be leaving with the gang to see the sights. It was too bad Mikagami-sempai wouldn't be able to be with them, as she had expected.

Fuuko had told her everything that happened the night before. And as much as Yanagi and the others were surprised, no one could be more in shock than Fuuko herself. She had pretty much spent the entire night after the incident sitting in one corner and staring out into space. No matter how much Yanagi had wanted to comfort her, she couldn't do anything about it. She knew that Fuuko had just suffered the biggest disappointment anyone could ever have.

Yanagi grabbed her bathrobe in the cabinet and headed for the bathroom, taking one last glance at the rampaging Fuuko on her bed. I'm sorry it didn't go the way you may have expected it to…perhaps today Recca-kun and I can persuade him to come with us…

She emerged from the bathroom fifteen minutes later, steam coming out of it. She shook her hair free of the water with her towel, and glanced at the bed again. This time, there was no Fuuko going wild in it. She scanned the apartment room and found Fuuko sitting on a chair in the small kitchen. Yanagi smiled and crossed the small living room on the way to the kitchen. She sat down beside her.

"Your favorite show is on. You don't want to miss it, do you?" Yanagi smiled at Fuuko, who was stirring her coffee absentmindedly. Yanagi looked at the cup. "Don't think you're mixing that too much now?"

Fuuko sighed and dropped the spoon into the cup. She gave Yanagi a weak smile. "I'm not really in the mood to go watch that show."

"I know you're upset, Fuuko, but please, don't let that ruin your day, okay?" Yanagi continued. "I mean, we should be making the most out of our stay here and—"

"How can I make the most out of my stay when my only purpose for staying here isn't with us at all?" Fuuko snapped, then looked down. "I'm sorry…I don't want to spoil your stay…I know I'm overreacting…it's just that—"

"Goshimpai naku," Yanagi waved her hand. "I understand. Why don't you go take a bath now? We'll be going sight-seeing any minute now, and if you want, we can ask Mikagami-san if he'd like to show us around," she gave her an assuring smile. 

Fuuko tried to smile back. "Arigatou," she mumbled, and headed for the bathroom herself. Yanagi went back to the bedroom, turning the television on. 

***

"You know I was thinking," Domon flopped on the edge of the bed, putting his sandals on. "Maybe Tokiya's memory was erased or something. I mean, how can he just look at Fuuko-chan like that, and then walk away like she was just some commoner out there? That's just not right."

"Get real," Recca snorted, shuffling his clothes in the cabinet and looking for something to wear. "How the heck is Mikagami's memory supposed to be erased? It's not like he might've met Okaasan on his way here, you know. And even if he did, why in the world would my mom erase his memory?" He plucked out a dark gray shirt and closed the cabinet door. "Besides, weren't you listening well to what Fuuko said? Tokiya uttered her name, idiot. He definitely remembers her. Maybe he's just…adjusting, or something."

"Adjusting? How can he be adjusting? He's been here for a year now, and he's known Fuu-chan for like, ages. Heck, she was even his koibito once! What kind of adjusting would he be making?" Domon frowned.

"Tuh," Recca pulled the shirt over his head and fixed his elephant pants. "Whatever is up with him, it'd better not be up today 'coz we're supposed to persuade him to come with us." He glared at the frowning Domon out of the corner of his eyes. "And you better not be mad about that. Because if you really cared about Fuuko-chan, you'd want Mikagami to come."

Domon made a face. "Whatever. Let's just go, okay?" He stood up and headed for the door. Recca followed him out on the hallway. They walked over to the girls' room, and Recca paused to knock on the door. "Hime-san? Fuuko-chan?"

"Chotto matte, Recca-kun," came the muffled reply.

"Now make sure you'll be happy for Fuuko if ever Mikagami does come," Recca warned Domon, who rolled his eyes. Just then Yanagi opened the door, beaming widely at them, with an absent-minded Fuuko beside her. 

"Ohayo gozaimasu, hime-san!!!" Recca bent down to give Yanagi a little kiss. She blushed.

Domon immediately pushed Recca aside. "Ohayo gozaimasu, Fuuko-chan!!!" He bent down towards Fuuko, too, but got kissed by a rock-hard fist. "Ohayo," Fuuko lazily muttered.

Yanagi closed the door behind her and looked at Hanibishi meaningfully. "Ne, Recca-kun…ano…how do you plan to ask Mikagami-san to come with us…?"

Recca placed his hand behind his head and tried to smile. "Um…we could tell him that we need a tourist guide…" Yeah right…Mikagami the Guide? 

"We could just barge right into his room and drag him along, if we need to," Domon suggested. Recca glared at him again. "…or not." Domon added.

"Why don't we just knock on his door and ask him if he'd want to make up for lost time by accompanying us today?" Yanagi smiled. "Maybe he might—"

"Will you guys just stop, please?" Fuuko spoke up all of a sudden. "I really appreciate all your efforts, but I know you're all just spoiling your day because of me. Please, don't mind me anymore, okay? You'd all just be wasting your time anyway because Mi-chan would never—"

A creak from the door across the hall from them made Fuuko stop short. Tokiya had just closed his apartment door behind him and was now locking it. He was just about to leave, but then he looked up and saw them, huddled together outside the room across from his. He froze and his eyes narrowed at the sight of them. For about a minute, no one uttered a word. 

To hell with all this, Tokiya glared at them. I don't have time to play a stupid staring game. He shoved his hands into his pockets and began to walk away. But then, Recca caught up with him and pulled back his arm. Tokiya turned around and shot him a look of death. But Recca returned it with a wide grin. "Hey, Tokiya! How's it going?"

"Worse." He tried to walk away, but Recca wasn't finished yet. "C'mon, it's been a long time since we all saw each other! Imagine not speaking to each other for about a year! Aren't you even going to say hi or something?"

Tokiya frowned. "I've been with all of you long enough to get tired of saying hi."

Recca's smile faltered a bit, probably just as shocked at Mikagami's reply as Fuuko was. But he smiled again. "Well, okay, if that's what you think…but…at least say something to Fuuko-chan," he jerked his head towards her.

Mikagami's eyes immediately fell on Fuuko. He gave her a piercing look. Fuuko felt she could've melted on the spot. Oh, how she wished that the ground would open up and swallow her! What on earth did Recca think he was doing, referring to her all of a sudden? Ooooh…was he gonna get it…

Fuuko gathered all her courage and beamed cheerfully at Tokiya, stepping closer to him. "Ne, Mi-chan, we were planning to go out to see the sights today. Since we're all just new here…I was wondering if you'd like to accompany us…you know…for old times' sake…" She smiled at him.

His blue eyes lingered on her face for a moment, as if he was suddenly just remembering who she was and all the times they both shared together. And as Fuuko bored her eyes into his, she could almost see them softening. But with a sudden blink, the sweetness in his eyes was gone, and was replaced by a wall of cold steel again. "There are more important things to attend to," he snapped. "I don't need to waste my time." 

The words struck Fuuko like a ton of bricks. So…that was all she was to him…a waste of his time…I'm just…a waste of his time…I should've known…I shouldn't have bothered…Fuuko swallowed the lump that was forming in her throat and smiled cheerfully at him. "I-I'm sorry…" she tried to blink away all the funny feelings in her eyes. "Of course you have a lot of responsibilities to do…I understand…I mean, how can I forget that you most probably have a job here," she chuckled. "Go on, you're probably late for work already!" She grinned, taking slow steps backwards. "I hope I didn't waste too much of your time. H-honto ni…gomen nasai." And she stepped back off into her room, gently closing the door behind her.  

Tokiya blinked expressionlessly at the direction she disappeared to for a second, and then turned to walk away. If they need a tourist guide, let them get one for themselves. I don't have to care. It's not like I—

Someone had grabbed his arm again, but this time the touch was softer, gentler. And the hold didn't pull him back. It just touched his arm. He still stopped, though. His brows furrowed and he turned to look around.

Just as a full-fledged slap met him in the cheek and his face was forced to turn to one side.

"How dare you!!!" Yanagi breathed heavily, her hand still raised. "How dare you tell Fuuko that she's just a waste of your time!!!" she continued, her eyes burning.

Tokiya kept his face that way, looking down at the floor with the same mask of indifference on his face.

"She came all the way to China just to see you!!! Look at all the trouble she went through! Look at what she's become! She suffered through one whole year in Japan without seeing you, or hearing from you…and then she graduates and locks herself in her room because she can't take it that you're not by her side to congratulate her!!! She doesn't sleep right…she doesn't eat right…for heaven's sake she doesn't even stop crying anymore!!! And then she makes her way here for you, and what do you do??? You tell her she's a waste of your precious time!!!" Yanagi broke down. "Can't you see how much she misses you??? Don't you understand that she still loves you??? God, sempai, please open your heart for once!!!" Yanagi sobbed, angry tears streaming down her cheeks.

Tokiya kept silent, and then he slowly closed his eyes. "She's the one who wanted to come all the way to China. So don't go blaming me for it."

Yanagi gave a silent gasp, as she slowly placed her hand over her mouth, trembling. "Y-You're a jerk…you don't have a heart…" Tears started to flow down again. "How could you…how could you say that???" she started to sob again. Recca rushed to her side and slowly wrapped his arms around her, cuddling her for a while, easing her muffled sobs on his shoulder. "Hime-san…" he whispered, stroking her hair. 

He then shot Tokiya an ice-cold stare. "She's damn right, you know. You are a jerk. Probably the biggest one I've ever seen." He narrowed his eyes at him. "And stop the heck of pretending not to hear all this!!! Look at me, damn it! You owe them an apology!!!"

Mikagami flicked his eyes open and turned to look at Recca with the same hooded eyes. "I don't give apologies when they're not needed. So get off my damn case." With one last glare at Recca, he stalked away without another word.


	6. Escaping the Pain of Truth

**PART FIVE**

**Escaping the pain of truth**

She had heard everything. 

And everything was sinking into her skin, burying deep inside her chest, squeezing her heart. Every single word he had said, every single thing, was fast creeping into her veins like poison, making its way into her head. And the horrible truth was fast destroying her self-worth.

Tokiya didn't love her anymore.

And nothing she could do would ever bring him back to her. All the times she'd hoped that after a year, he would miss her so…that after a year, he would realize how wrong he was in letting her go…that after a year, she would be able to kiss his lips again…

And that after a year…he would still love her…with all his heart…

With all…his…heart…

Fuuko buried her face into her hands, trying to stop the watery sensation in her eyes. She sunk herself deeper into the bath tub, closing her eyes and holding her breath, wishing she could stay under water like this forever, so that she wouldn't be able to see anything…hear anything…feel anything…

With nothing else around but the deep blue of the water, she would never have to speak, she would never have to cry, she would never have to love…and she would never have to feel pain…

Why couldn't she just live her life again and start over? Why did she have to get together with him in the first place? Why did she even have to meet him? She could've just been an ordinary student…finishing college…getting a life…away from all this…why did she have to feel what she was feeling now…? Why did she have to give her whole heart and soul…her everything…just to love…and then never be loved back…?

It wasn't fair; life wasn't fair. And life was watching her spin around and around on its palm, creating her own world for her, laughing at her pain and smiling at her rejection. And just when she was about to follow one straight line on that palm, she had slipped and fallen back down again, loosing her track and ending up right back where she had started.

Story of her life.

"Frruukoh-chararn…?"

Fuuko flicked her eyes open, the deep serenity of blue clouding them. There was a knock on the bathroom door. "Ffrruukoh-chahn…?" Another knock.

She raised her head from underwater, blinking in the bright lights of the bathroom. She sighed, gasping for air. She looked at the closed door.

"Fuuko-chan? Are you still there?" There was a note of panic in Yanagi's voice. "Daijoubu desu ka…?"

"Hai." Fuuko mumbled softly. "Daijoubu."

Yanagi sighed through the door. "Wakatta. Ne, Recca-kun has invited me over at his and Domon's room to watch him play poker. I don't really understand why I have to go see him mess around with a pile of cards, demo…do you want to come…?"

Fuuko smiled. Hanabishi had obviously just wanted to see his hime-san. When you love someone, you just get this urge to see him or her. You don't need a reason for that. "Iie. I'll just…stay here. Arigatou."

"Are you sure…?" Yanagi persisted. "I mean, it's nighttime already, and…since we weren't able to go see the city this morning, I just thought…well…maybe you wanted to make up for it by, um, hanging out tonight at their room."

This morning. They weren't able to go see the city this morning. And she knew perfectly well the reason why. She sighed. "Hai, I'll be fine. Just go and enjoy yourself. Oyasumi."

"…so desu ka…well, if you change your mind, you know where to find us!" Fuuko could hear Yanagi's steps backing away. "Oyasumi!"

Fuuko sunk herself deeper into the tub again, keeping her face raised to the ceiling. This morning, she mused, staring at the lights, not seeming to notice the violet spots that were fast forming on her sight because of the brightness. This morning…

It was when her trip to China and her sleepless nights were proved useless. Her tears…the times she'd locked herself up in her room, crying…the times she'd fallen into trances and pissed off her friends because of them…the times she'd stared at his portrait…running down her fingers on his face…dropping her tears on it…her dream on the plane…wishing he'd have done the same thing when he bumped into her the night before…

Baka, her brows furrowed. Fuuko no baka…It was stupid of her to expect him to act that way. It would've made no sense if he had. He was an introvert, and he'd never in his whole life utter such cheesy words unless he was making fun of someone. Which he rarely did, because he rarely even cracked a joke. And smiling was out of the question.

It was her own fault. She was expecting the impossible. And she deserved all the disappointment and rejection she was getting. 

Fuuko…no baka…how could you ever hope that Tokiya still loves you…he's managed pretty well in China for a whole year…and he doesn't need you…he doesn't need you at all… She blinked as fresh tears tried to make their way out of her eyes again. He broke up with you a year ago…and he's planning to keep it that way…look…look at how happy…he is…without…you… At last, the tears triumphed. They were now freely trickling down her cheeks. Stop chasing him, Fuuko…he doesn't love you anymore…so don't hope…don't wish…don't…spoil his day…let him…be…let him…go…

An uncontrolled sob made its way out of her mouth, and then another one…and another one. She couldn't hold it back. Everything that was locked up in her chest was slowly coming out. She couldn't stand the pain…but she couldn't do anything to ease it…

Her hand flew to cover her eyes, and she felt the cold steel of her chain bracelet touch her face. She opened her eyes to look at it, and remembered him even more. She'd given him the same bracelet long ago…when they were still…together…they had promised each other to keep it with them always…to never forget the times they've shared…

But promises were meant to be broken.

Tokiya…she looked at the bracelet with her blurred eyesight, the tears still falling. Wherever you are…I'm sorry…that I kept the promise…she covered her eyes with her hands again as she started to break down. 

I'm sorry…

***

Damn it, Tokiya splashed some cold water on his face as he leaned against the sink, gripping the faucet tightly with his other hand. His chain necklace dangled a few inches away from his bare chest, as he shut off the water and kept his eyes closed, letting the water drip from his face. He slowly raised his head and opened his eyes to look at himself in the mirror, and he frowned. He looked past the open bathroom door to the wall clock near his bed and frowned even more.

10:30 pm.

He cursed and walked out of the bathroom, flopping on the edge of his bed, his elbows on his knees, burying his face into his hands. He'd decided to hit the sack earlier than usual at 8:00 that night, but the same damn dream kept waking him up every thirty minutes. He'd already had the dream for five darn times. He would wake up sitting bolt upright in his bed, cold sweat trickling down his temple, and then her face would be the first thing to pop into his mind.

Kirisawa Fuuko.

He sighed. Why on earth had they decided to follow him here in Beijing? Why couldn't they have stayed put in Tokyo? Why had he needed to see her again?

Why? After one whole year?

His mind immediately went back to the events that had happened that morning. He'd gotten up, thought that he'd bumped into Fuuko on the street only in his dream, did what he was supposed to do, and then got outside. And there were all of his friends. Out of Tokyo. In Beijing. In the flesh. All staring at him as he stared back at them. What the heck had they been thinking? It was just like getting up one morning and his whole world falls apart first thing. Couldn't they see that he just wasn't ready to see them yet…?

Kuso…

It wasn't true. He was lying to himself, and he knew pretty well why.

He'd told everyone back then that he had wanted to go to China to fulfill his sister's promise. To go see the Great Wall. To make his sister happy that he'd finally done it for himself. 

But that wasn't the only reason. He had wanted to go to China mainly because he wanted to get away from himself. From his life, his past. He wanted some time to breathe…to get away from it all. 

His life was a mess. He'd spent his whole damn life trying to avenge his sister's death…trained the hardest he could…fought every opponent he had to face…joined the Hanabishi team…won the Urubatusatsoujin…found out his sister's murderer. The one person he'd sworn to kill. The one person he'd sworn to use up his life on.

It was his own teacher.

The truth struck him like a bolt of lightning. It was horrible…painful…agonizing. To spend half his life training under the person he was training to commit murder on. And worse, not even knowing it until it was too late. He'd done his teacher's wishes; he'd enhanced his skills. He had done his bidding, was run by him like a little pawn. He'd made him satisfied. It was a nightmare.

He couldn't have imagined how he'd managed to continue living after the tournament. Finishing high school…graduating college…and before all that, falling for someone.

Falling in love.

To fall for his old teammate…his old friend…a friend he used to pour out his coldness to just like everyone else. A friend he used to be irritated with, a friend he used to ignore. A friend he used to shun out of his life.

He hated socializing. He hated too many people. He hated doing anything with others unless it had something to do with fighting. He hated his emotions, and sometimes even had to wonder why he was even given them. He surely hadn't needed it since his sister's loss. He was never the type to express his emotions even if he needed to. He'd keep them all locked up inside and try to drown them all out himself. It was never in his nature to utter a word of thanks, a word of apology, a word of comfort, a word of affection. He'd keep his face as expressionless as possible, and he'd shut out any feelings in his eyes so that no one would be able to read his thoughts. The world could collapse around him for all he cared; he'd even just close his eyes to everything if he could. 

But the worst thing just crept up from behind him unnoticed. Through his veins, up his chest, into his heart. 

Love. And he'd shown it more than any other emotion he could've shown. He'd become someone's koibito, saying words of affection and showing actions of care. He had thought his life was renewed; he was reborn. It was beginning to change him. Chuck out the loneliness and bitterness inside him. Drown his sorrow with someone else. 

But he was wrong.

Something happened again, another consequence because of all the emotions he'd let out. A student had died. A lady whose anger had risen because of his love for Fuuko, not for her. Fuuko had been captivated, and almost faced death itself, had Tokiya not saved her. He had fought to the death, trying to protect his loved one. Trying to keep Fuuko safe, making sure she was alright, not caring if he'd die.

And he won. He had killed the lady. But it was the same thing all over again. He'd shown too many emotions; he'd enhanced his strength, he'd been motivated. But with the consequence of another death. Just like before. When he was seven years old…too young…to…understand…

It was enough to make him go crazy. He'd finally realized then that he wasn't allowed to love. He wasn't allowed any more feelings. His emotions were to stop when his sister passed away. He wasn't supposed to love anymore, because every time he would, something would go wrong.

And so he left. To escape…to escape himself. To try to live again. To relieve of everything that has happened in his life. It was working. Until the night before.

He had bumped into Fuuko. And everything went down the drain. All his hard work…all the times when he tried so hard to forget…and start again…

It was like having everything he had been running away from hit him right in the face. Like it was too simple. Like it was something he could just forget and get over with. Like he could just say, "Oh. You're here again. Okay."

So how was he supposed to react then? When he was a mixture of confusion, annoyance, and surprise?

What else but to be his usual, cold self? It had always worked for him. He'd gotten through his life by snapping, glaring, shielding his emotions and being the biggest loner he could be. So what was wrong in being himself?

Yes, something was wrong. He'd snapped at Fuuko, and had even snapped at Yanagi-san, and made her cry. He didn't even have the guts to mutter a small sorry.

Tokiya shifted in his position and felt his bracelet touch his cheek. He looked at it and cringed. Her bracelet…our bracelet…our promise…

Kuso…He'd broken their promise. He'd broken their promise to keep each other's memories forever. Because he didn't want to keep her memories. He wanted to forget her. All about her, and every single moment they have shared. He'd broken their promise on purpose.

All because he was afraid.

Yes, he was afraid of it. He was afraid to love again. Never did he want to experience the same pain, the same consequences, the same broken heart. It wasn't worth it. He was better off alone, living his own hell. Living his so-called life that he had built with bitterness and sorrow. He didn't have room for love. He was afraid of loving. That was why he was running away from her…afraid to look into her tantalizing eyes and get lost…to smell her sweet scent…to touch her delicate skin…to kiss her soft cherry lips…to catch a glimpse of her divine body…to hear her heavenly voice…to feel the steady beat of her heart against his…

…and fall all over again…

But then, he had seen her, talked to her, seen her smile, heard her chuckle. And he realized something.

He wasn't falling in love. He was over her, at last, for a long time, finally. He didn't love her like that anymore. 

But if that's the case…his brows furrowed, as he looked out the window at the moonlight that was giving his dark room some shine. Then why the heck can't I get some damn peace of mind?!?

He shook his head and picked up a shirt that was scattered on the floor. He pulled it over his head and grabbed the keys from his bedside table.

Yep, he definitely needed to get some fresh air.


	7. For Old Times' Sake

**PART SIX**

**For old times' sake**

Fuuko took another gulp from the large bottle of sake that she had found in her room from room service and continued walking. It had been two and a half hours since Yanagi left to see Hanabishi, and Fuuko was starting to worry. But she didn't really want to head over to Recca's room; she didn't really want a bunch of rowdy guys ruining her night. So in order to get her mind off Yanagi's whereabouts, she had decided to head down to the lobby. She could've sworn she heard the receptionist say that there was a swimming pool in the grounds somewhere when they registered yesterday.

She caught sight of a pair of sliding glass doors near the end of the lobby hall, through which she could see a sort-of garden. Perhaps the pool was somewhere near it. She headed for the sliding glass doors, staggering slightly because of all the sake she had drunk, shivering because of the night breeze that was blowing past her open robes, under which she was only wearing her underwear. After all, she was out for a little swim, wasn't she? It was only proper that she should wear something appropriate for the activity. And besides, at this hour of the night, who was supposed to see her wearing her underwear?

Fuuko slid open the glass doors and stepped on the cool grass under the moonlight. She took a deep breath to savor the night's cool breeze, and took a moment to admire the flowering beauty of the garden.

The garden was surrounded by thick walls of green plants, flowering vines entwining themselves to the walls. Aerial plants hung elegantly from the branches of a few trees near the plant-walls of the circular garden, and skillfully shaped bushes lined a small stone path leading to the center of the garden, where a dolphin-shaped marble fountain was pouring crystal-clear water from its mouth, flowing down to a small fish pond surrounding it. Outside the stone path on the well-trimmed grass were flowers of every color and kind, each kind beautifully illuminating the ground. To the right was an entrance through the plant-walls, with an arch over the entrance that was filled with ornamental flowers as well. Through the entrance was another stone path, leading to a curve farther through which Fuuko could no longer see from where she was standing. It was probably the path to the pool.

She walked through the entrance to the right and followed the stone path, lighted by glass lanterns on the sides of it. After a short walk, she reached the pool area, which was a more private and a much wider opening than the garden a way back. Rows of bushes filled with flowers lined the four sides of the wide pool area, with elegant park benches on every side. The large oval pool lay in the middle, its clear blue water reflecting the moon's bright rays. A diving board was placed on one of its sides, and tanning benches were placed on the sides as well, with large beach umbrellas planted on the ground beside them. To the far left of the pool area were the shower rooms, and to the right was a big wooden room, which Fuuko guessed was where the hot Jacuzzi was.

She grinned as her eyes scanned the sight before her, from the beautiful flowers on the bushes, to the small tables near the Jacuzzi room, to the towel rack near the shower rooms, to the shadow of a man on the wall beside her, to the—

Fuuko did a double take and, after a second of shock, cried out in fear.

But the man didn't even move, didn't even react to her scream. In fact, the man stayed as clam as ever, leaning against the wall beside her, arms crossed and one foot up against the wall.

And as a cloud shifted and the moonlight shed light on the man's shadowed face, Fuuko felt herself relax. 

"Oh god, Mi-chan, I thought you were—" But she stopped short, the thought that she was no longer talking to the old Mikagami making its way into her quickly blurring sake-infested mind.

Lucky to still be in her right senses, she slowly walked over to him, and leaned against the wall beside him. She took another gulp from her bottle and then raised her head to look up at the wonderfully moonlit sky. Submitting herself to the silence only broken by the sound of the crickets, Fuuko took in the serenity of the twinkling stars and the thin sheets of clouds drifting across the dark blue sky, every now and then concealing some parts of the bright full moon.

But still, she found that this couldn't last long. It was only a matter of time before she found herself racking her brain for something, anything to say to him; she was starting to get anxious of him standing there right beside her. She couldn't stand the awkward moment, for they never had such before when they were still together, yet she was afraid to utter a word, for fear of getting hurt again. He might snap back another sharp statement and she'd break down all over again.

But it was him who spoke first. "There's a spider crawling its way towards you."

Fuuko's eyes widened and she immediately jumped from the wall, blowing away the spider on the wall on her other side with great apprehension. For some reason, she was terribly disgusted at them. Then, after making sure that there were no more of them scuttling anywhere near her, she leaned back against the wall. She then bit back a small smile. Obviously Tokiya had remembered that she hated spiders, and was concerned enough to inform her of an incoming one. This gave her the courage to speak, though still cautious of her words.

"Ne, Mi-chan…do you…come here often…?" She held her breath and waited for his reply. Then, after about a minute, he muttered, "Occasionally."

"So desu ka…" Fuuko looked back up at the sky and tried to think of something else to say, but she couldn't' seem to find a topic, so she just said the first thing that popped into her mind. "It's beautiful, isn't it?"

She felt Tokiya hold back a sigh as he replied curtly, "Yeah."

Fuuko felt a wave of relief wash over her as she continued to gaze at the night sky. For once, she felt a little more comfortable. She took another drink, and felt a small tinge of drowsiness hit her. She ignored it, though; she was thoroughly used to it. She relaxed a bit and released some of her tension. At least Tokiya was now talking to her.

Minutes passed again, as neither of them uttered another word. Fuuko let the breeze sweep past her, shivering slightly, blinking blissfully at the sky. She couldn't help but give a small sigh. This time, she didn't mind the silence. 

"Your hair."

Fuuko blinked in surprise at the sudden remark. Had she heard right? She slowly turned to look at Tokiya, and saw that he was now looking down at her with the impassive expression on his face that she knew so well.

"Y-yes…?" she stuttered.

"It's long."

"Oh," Fuuko immediately ran a nervous hand though a side of her long, purple hair and tugged on some strands. "I-it's just that I was, um, busy, you know, and I never really had the time to have them cut and I, well, I was really planning to cut them right after I graduated, and—"

"I like it," Tokiya said plainly, cutting her off completely. Then he turned to face the sky again.

Fuuko instantly felt a genuine smile creep up her lips. He liked it. He liked her hair. It was a compliment. He had just given her a compliment!

She grinned and felt even more relaxed now. "So…why are you out here, anyway?" She asked as she chugged down some more of her sake. Another wave of drowsiness shot through her. She hardly even noticed, though, but she was starting to feel a little different.

"Probably the same reason you are." 

"Honto ni?" She grinned and pushed herself from the wall she was leaning against, suddenly feeling daring, and stood in front of Tokiya. "Let's go, then!" And she started to slip off her robes.

Tokiya tried to hide his look as he felt the blood rush to his face. He tried immensely to look away, but somehow, he couldn't. His eyes were somehow stuck to looking at her, as she slid her robes off her shoulders. He looked at her body in horror as he realized that she was wearing only her underwear, and found it even more horrific that he was being so severely tempted to keep on staring at her, his eyes moving down…

Damn, he finally focused his look at the clouds, his face burning. What the heck was Fuuko doing, stripping in front of him like that?

But apparently, Fuuko wasn't stripping. Tokiya felt her grab his arm and pull him away from the wall, and he looked at her again only to see the usual look of mischief on her face. 

He was dragged near the edge of the swimming pool, his back to it. Fuuko stood in front of him again, and he cocked an irritated eyebrow at her. Then Fuuko's face broke into a mischievous grin and he felt her playful hands pushed his chest, and soon, he was falling backwards into the pool with a splash.  

Fuuko giggled and placed her bottle of sake near the edge of the pool, as she dove into it herself. She swam a few feet away towards the center of the pool, and then raised her head towards the surface for some air. She bobbed her head and looked around, spotting Tokiya, who had now also risen from underwater. And he did not look pleased. Then again, he always didn't look pleased.

"I wasn't talking about a swim," he muttered with a scowl.

Fuuko giggled again. "Well, you did say that you were out here with the same reason I was!"

Tokiya frowned again. "Don't forget that I said 'probably'," he remarked, and started to make his way towards the edge of the pool. He raised himself up from the water without using the steps, and Fuuko found herself staring at the way his biceps contracted on his arms.

She immediately shook her head and swam towards the edge of the pool as well, where Tokiya had now flopped down on the grass.

"Okay, okay, you win," she remarked. "You should have just told me your reason; then I wouldn't have pushed you in the—" she stopped short and her eyes widened. Tokiya had just removed his shirt and was now squeezing the water from it, trying to dry it off. Fuuko felt herself go red, watching his body as he squeezed the life out of his shirt. Then, as the shirt still was as damp as ever, he sighed and tossed it aside on the ground. 

Fuuko brushed away all the thoughts about him that were forming in her head and climbed out of the pool, too, retrieving her bottle of sake and dropping down next to him. Tokiya raised his knee and rested his elbow on it, staring out into the pool, as the ripples that Fuuko had made spread out over the surface.

Fuuko chugged down some more sake, and didn't seem to notice the blush that had stained her face. She blinked away her drowsiness, and said, "So how's China so far?"

"Chinese," he replied, still staring at the water, the color of blue reflecting his eyes.

"Heh," she chuckled. "Obviously, you've seen the Great Wall. What's it look like?"

"A wall."

Fuuko giggled again, this time uncontrollably. "Of course it is!" She drank some more. "You know, things were never as great in Japan. Always the same, boring activities, and the university is still as old and rotting as ever."

Tokiya blinked. Surely the university had been standing for a long time, but it was never rotting, and the school had always been making renovations to make it look better. In fact, when he had left it, it was looking more stunning than ever. Fuuko had always told him before how much she was impressed at how the school managed to turn itself into a new one.

"And my remarks were still bombing. I failed almost every subject. Come to think of it, I never would have graduated had my father not talked the Dean into it. The Dean always thought I was doing extremely well last year, and he couldn't get it into his little head just why I was bombing this year. So he passed me pathetically! I would've been willing to stay, you know. No, wait, I don't. Can't stand that decomposing school," she chortled and chugged more sake.

Tokiya's eyebrows raised and he slowly turned to look at Fuuko. There was something very wrong with the way she was talking.

"Well, the reason was pretty simple. I mean, with all the assignments they were giving, who would get the sudden determination to do them? So basically, I never did. Just went home and went straight to bed. Of course, TV's a different story," she went on.

Why the heck is she babbling all of a sudden? He stared at Fuuko intently. A pink blush was streaking across her face, and her eyelids were drooping. She was looking absently into the pool, waving around a large bottle of sake as she spoke. Funny, Tokiya didn't notice her drinking the sake a while back. But now it was clearly evident that she'd been drinking out of the large bottle for a while now, because only a quarter of the sake was left.

Fuuko drank again, and couldn't resist shaking her head a bit. "Yanagi-chan was pretty concerned. She went over to my house almost every night to check up on me. Of course, she wasn't able to see much. I was locked up in my room practically all day. She still tried to barge in, though, and one time she got lucky and caught the door unlocked. She was shocked to see me not doing my assignments and crying instead."

His eyes widened. For the first time tonight, he felt a tinge of alarm. "Crying?"

"Yeah," Fuuko grinned sloppily. "Almost every night. Actually, most of time it's staring into space doing nothing while tears keep rolling down. Most nights, Yanagi-chan couldn't snap me to my senses," she chuckled. "I was disturbed the whole year," she drank again and shivered as a breeze swept by. "Getting damn cold here," she remarked, and tried to stand up to reach for her robe, but failed miserably. Her knees gave way and Tokiya, by instinct, stood up to catch her by her shoulders. He fell sitting down due to her weight.

Fuuko was now leaning against him as he held on to her shoulders, his brows furrowing. Fuuko was obviously drunk. She was going pink and he could tell by the look on her face that her sight wasn't very clear, and by the way she was speaking he could tell that her mind wasn't working too well, either. He could even smell the sake from her mouth. Yet still, she wouldn't let go of the now almost empty bottle.

Fuuko chuckled distantly again and slowly shifted to face him. Her eyelids were drooping and her eyes had a faraway look in them. "You know why I was crying every night…?" Her lips slowly curved into a playful smile. "It's because of you…" she trailed off and her hand slowly reached out to touch his cheek.

Tokiya's eyes widened at her sudden touch. Fuuko was rubbing her hand gently on his cheek, and he couldn't help but blush. He swallowed as Fuuko leaned closer, touching her skin against his. He began to feel hot. He certainly thought the look in her eyes and the way she smiled was sexy. Really sexy. And the way her almost bare skin was touching his…Tokiya began to lean back, trying to get away, but she was leaning closer still, and he was almost on his back against the ground…Then Fuuko's hand left his face and started moving down his neck, then on his shoulder, and on his chest, feeling his body…Tokiya felt all the blood rush to his face as she traced the muscles on his abs, and then her hand began to move lower down…

That was it. With a slight shake of his head, Tokiya grabbed her wrist before it got past his torso. He gently pushed her away from him and pried the bottle of sake out of her other hand.

"It's getting late. You should go to bed." He snatched the bottle away from her reach before she had the chance to take it again.

"Mi-chan…" Fuuko groaned quietly and dropped onto the grass. The steady rise and fall of her chest and her sudden cease of movement told Tokiya that she'd fallen straight off to unconsciousness. 

He sighed and first put the bottle away, then he grabbed his still damp shirt and slung it over his shoulder. He stood up and walked over to where Fuuko had left her bathrobe, and he gently draped it over her half-naked body. He knelt down beside her and carried her in his arms, one under her legs and the other around her shoulders. He cradled her head with the crook of his elbow and he started off out of the pool area, out of the garden, into the lobby, up the elevator. It looked like he was going to have to bring Fuuko to her room himself.

It was a good thing Fuuko and Yanagi's room was right across from his, that way he knew exactly where to go. As he approached her room, a sudden dread rose in him. What if Yanagi-san was inside their room, waiting for Fuuko? What would she say when she saw Fuuko like this, drunk, in her underwear, with him?

He tried to shudder away the thought. He'd just have to explain everything that happened: that Fuuko had been drunk and fell asleep when they coincidentally met out in the pool area.

But to his luck, as he pushed open the door that Fuuko hadn't locked, Yanagi was nowhere to be found. He walked over to her bed and sat on the edge of it to carefully lay Fuuko down, and the robe he'd draped on her and the shirt on his shoulder fell down on the floor. Just as he removed his arm from under her head, Fuuko stirred and heavily opened her eyes. Upon seeing him she draped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer to her, and he stumbled onto the bed with the force of her pull. Fuuko smiled seductively as she crawled closer to him, until she was so close that her breasts pressed against Tokiya's chest. 

Tokiya froze in his place. This wasn't right. He never intended this to happen, and he certainly didn't want it to. Not just yet. But he couldn't move. He was stuck, and no matter how much he tried to get away, his body didn't seem to want to. 

Fuuko moved dangerously closer. "Tokiya…" she moaned, tracing the outline of his lips. She looked naughtily at him. "Aishiteru…" she whispered in a very sexy voice.

It was too hot. He couldn't breathe. And as he looked down at Fuuko's tantalizing eyes to her tempting lips, he felt he could've melted in the spot. It suddenly came back to him that Fuuko was not wearing anything but her underwear, and that her divinely smooth skin was grazing his bare chest…

Fuuko's eyes shifted from his face down to his lips, which she was still tracing. She licked her own lips hungrily, and she lifted her face to slowly get what she wanted…

Tokiya watched as her face moved closer and closer…and he looked down at her perfect cherry lips, slowly making their way to his. And still he didn't move away. He felt Fuuko's other hand slowly moving down his chest again, and his heart began to beat faster.  Damn it…he cursed, feeling Fuuko's leg move demandingly on top of his. He shut his eyes and dreadfully waited for her kiss, but to his relief, it never came. Fuuko's head dropped down, resting on his chest. She had stopped moving again. It had seemed that the effects of the sake had finally gotten to her for good.

Tokiya sighed in relief and moved a little farther from her, but he couldn't move away because she was lying on his chest and on one of his arms. He blinked down at her and shook his head. Fuuko was too seductive. And it wasn't right. He didn't like it. He didn't like it at all.

But then again, she was drunk. And obviously, she wasn't her usual self. She'd probably wake up in a hangover the next morning and forget everything that happened. 

And that's exactly what you should do, he told himself. Forget everything that happened.

But, hadn't he enjoyed the way Fuuko was seducing him tonight even just for a little bit? Wasn't he keen on not moving away whenever she came close? Didn't his body want the warm contact she was making as well? Wasn't he solely tempted to her lips, and attracted to her body?

He looked at her body again, and felt himself blush. He'd found out that he wasn't in love anymore, but surely he was still as attracted as ever to her physical features.

But that was it. Attraction. Nothing more than attraction. He couldn't love her; he never deserved such a beautiful creation. He wasn't fit to love, and he wasn't allowed to. 

She was wrong. It wasn't right for her to tell him 'aishiteru' just like that. For he knew that she didn't love him. She was probably just confused. Infatuation was all there was to it. She could never love him; how could anyone love him? How could anyone love someone who had wasted his life on revenge, on bitterness, on hostility, on hatred, and on pain? It would surely be torture for anyone to be ready and willing enough to embrace the fact of sharing that person's pain. No one would want to do that…surely, no one would…

*FLASH*

"I know I won't be able to change things back to the way they were, but neither can you. So please, Mi-chan, tell me how you feel. At least you'll have someone to talk to." 

"I'm a mixture of helplessness, fear, and uncertainty. No one would want to share that feeling, Fuuko. You wouldn't be able to do anything about it."

"Mi-chan…Mi-chan, wait. You have to tell me! I can't stand seeing you so…so alone---" 

"Why should I? When all that will come out of it is more pain? Someone would have to suffer with me. Is that any better than it is now?"

"I want to share it! I want to, damn it! Your own self is slipping away and you don't even know it! You're keeping it all to yourself and it's driving you insane!!! Why don't you tell me, you idiot, and save the stupid trouble?!? 

*FLASH*

Save the trouble…yes…sharing his pain would definitely save him the trouble of brooding about his ruined life. And he had listened to her advice once. He had conceded. But in the end nothing good ever turned out. It was too much for him to take. He was destined to live the life he had chosen. As a loner.

They were never meant for each other. He was never meant for anyone.

Except…

It immediately rushed through his mind how his sister always ran to hug him whenever he would come home with bruises from a fight…how she would kiss his forehead and tell him it wasn't his fault…how she would tickle him to stop him from crying…and gently kiss his tears away…just a smile…and it would all be gone… 

Yes, that was care…that was love…the only love that he ever really had, and felt…and it was all taken away from him too soon…in just a glance, just a swish, just a cry…it was all gone…all taken away from him…all gone…

Tokiya held back a sigh, just like he had been holding back everything that he had been feeling ever since her loss. It wasn't easy, but holding everything back definitely made it easier for him to live his life. He'd grown used to it, and used to the silence that was often around him. Used to the animosity of his world. Used to the darkness of being alone.

Yet somehow…for the past few years…he realized. He wasn't alone. He had comrades, teammates. He had adversaries, and he had rivals. He had his own group of people who, even though just a little, cared for him. And it might have taken him a long time to realize that. Hadn't his friends been there for him during his graduation? During his birthdays? During his battles? During his flight?

Yes, and perhaps Fuuko was just the same. She may not have been there on his graduation, or on his departure, but just by being herself she had given him a big part of his life. 

And for once, he was satisfied, to have her as his friend.


	8. Intimate Snapback to Reality

**PART SEVEN**

**Intimate snapback to reality**

"Should we wake them up?"

"Just poke them, I guess…"

"Nah, I think we'd better leave them alone like that. We shouldn't spoil their fun…"

"But we should definitely wake them up! If he sees them like this, he'll—"

"AAAAAGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!! NOOOOO!!!!!!! WHY DID THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN????!???!?!!!? HER PURITY HAS BEEN TAKEN AWAY BY OUR VERY OWN FRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW COULD HE DO THIS TO HER???!?!!!?!??!?! WWWAAAAAAGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"I told you we should've woken them up."

"Well, it's certainly no use keeping them asleep now; look, she's stirring."

"With the noise he's making, how can she not be?"

Voices…there were voices floating above her…she could hear them perfectly…and they had just disturbed her sleep. She groaned out loudly, her hand automatically reaching up to her forehead. She just had the most terrible headache ever, and every single part of her body was aching. Ironically, her insides felt completely wonderful, like she'd just done something she'd been wanting to do but couldn't, and just did. She moaned again, a wave of pain surging through her body and into her head. She felt like it was going to explode. It was a good thing she was lying on her soft, comfortable bed…

Wait a minute. 

It took her a few minutes to realize that she wasn't lying on her bed. She was lying on something soft…warm…which definitely had something in it that made her want to cuddle closer to it. Slowly and burdened, she tried to open her eyes. And as her sight cleared, she caught sight of a pair of very concerned eyes, peering down at her. "F-Fuuko-chan…? Daijoubu desu ka…?"

She blinked, and it came to her that she had been looking into the eyes of Yanagi, her friend. Why in the world was she so worried? Why was she giving her that look? Why was she asking her if she was okay? 

And what on earth was that awful wailing in the background???

Slowly, she turned to look at the person beside Yanagi, and saw Recca's smirking face, eyes shining interestedly at her. "How was it?" he asked eagerly. "Was he good?"

Yanagi frowned at him. Fuuko's own brows furrowed. What the heck was he talking about? She was just about to ask him this when she heard a deep groan right beside her.

Her eyes widened as she felt the thing she was lying on move. It groaned again, softer this time, but this alarmed Fuuko the most. That voice…she recognized that voice…in fact, she knew it too well…

Swallowing heavily, Fuuko hesitantly turned to look at where the groan had come from.

And she wished she hadn't. Holy—

***

Damn the heck of a racket that was going on. It clearly broke his sleep, the only thing he had been enjoying these days because of the momentarily respite it gave his deeply troubled mind. Whatever was making the darn commotion was clearly going to pay.

A shot of pain made its way up his arm, as if a weight had pressed onto it overnight. Luckily, it was the only thing hurting from him. He pushed his other hand on the bed and raised himself from it, his hand rubbing his temples and his eyes shutting tight still. The rampaging hippo somewhere was still declaring war against the chirping of the morning birds. He scowled irritably.

Sure, go ahead and ruin my morning, damn you—

He opened his eyes and found himself staring at his friends, all of whom were staring wide-eyed at him. He gave them all a look of death (except maybe Yanagi-san). What the heck—

His trail of thought immediately stopped, as he laid his eyes on a lady sprawled on the far corner of the bed away from him, looking fearfully at him, wearing nothing but her underwear.

Fuuko? He raised his brow and forced the blush out of his face. What in blazes is she doing almost naked in my—

He stopped again as the events that took place last night came back to him in a blur of thoughts. His eyes widened as he remembered how Fuuko had gotten herself drunk, and he had carried her to her bed…how she had pulled him in with her and tried to seduce him…how she had fallen asleep on his chest…and how he himself doze off, still in the same very naughty position Fuuko had gotten them into.

Understanding dawned on him as he looked at the very eager look in Hanabishi's eyes, the worried ones in Yanagi's, and then he finally realized that the hippo he'd been angering against was Domon, who was flailing his arms wildly and running back and forth across the room, shouting incoherent words nonstop.

"Mikagami-sempai…you…" Yanagi muttered softly, letting her words hang.

He blinked at her. "Yanagi-san, it's not what you think—"

"So, you've finally done it, Toki-kun!" Hanabishi clapped a mighty slap on his back, making him narrow his eyes dangerously. What was with the insensitive slap? And why the heck was he calling him that repulsive 'Toki-kun' nickname???

Recca circled Tokiya's neck with one arm in a bear hug. "Finally had the guts, huh? I bet yesterday's events in the hallway were all just to make us think you didn't like Fuuko anymore, so that we wouldn't suspect anything, right?" he whispered. "I bet right after Hime-san left Fuuko's room last night you came barging right in and did it the whole night! You rock! I'm impressed that you got Fuuko to do it this early!" He leaned in closer and lowered his voice. "Maybe you oughta teach me a few tricks, eh?" He jerked his head towards Yanagi with a wink.

Seeing Yanagi's very worried expression, Tokiya glared icily at Recca and pushed him away. "It's not what you think it is, baka."

Recca snorted. "Daijoubu, we won't tell anyone anything, okay?" He leaned in to whisper again. "So, how does it feel? She must've tasted damn good; I mean, look at her…what a hottie! You probably made her scream your name the whole night—"

He pushed Recca much more forcefully this time that Recca almost stumbled. "I'm telling you, damn it; it didn't happen."

But Recca merely waved his hand. "Yeah, sure, whatever. Let's talk again in a more convenient time." He was giving him the most annoying lopsided grin ever that Tokiya just wanted to punch it right out of his grinning face.

Meanwhile, Domon was still screeching. And when finally, he realized that Tokiya was awake, he ran over to him looking like a crazed rhinoceros. "WHAT—THE HELL—DID—YOU—DO—TO—HER?!?" He grabbed Tokiya's shoulders and glared menacingly at him. 

Tokiya plainly glared back, his cold, blue eyes narrowing much more than ever. "Nothing."

"WHAT—IN—BLAZES—DO—YOU—MEAN—'NOTHING'??? YOU SPEND THE NIGHT WITH A NAKED GIRL IN HER BED, AND YOU TELL ME NOTHING HAPPENED??? I'M NOT BLIND, SUB-ZERO BOY!!! TELL ME WHY THE HECK YOU DECIDED TO TAKE AWAY HER VIRGINITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Domon was screaming so loudly that veins popped out of his neck and he was flushing red. Tokiya's eyes turned on a dark color and he spoke in a voice of deathly calm, "I didn't do anything to her. Now get your filthy, stinking hands off me before I do something you will most surely regret; that is, if you live to tell the tale." 

He could tell that Domon was still obviously pissed off, and was more than willing to say more, but anybody who'd known Tokiya long enough knew better than to mess with him with that horrible look in his eyes that told anyone that he meant what he had just said. Even Recca had stopped grinning. So reluctantly, Domon dropped Tokiya back down on the bed, Domon's teeth gritted and his fists quivering in anger. Tokiya gave him a sinister look, sending him a silent challenge to accuse him more. But Domon knew Tokiya could turn really nasty if he wanted to, and was forced to keep his emotions inside.

Satisfied at Domon's right judgment of his actions, Tokiya turned to look at Yanagi. "Yanagi-san, I never touched Fuuko last night," his eyes flicked over to Hanabishi, "to hell with you if you believe me or not." He looked back at Yanagi. "Sumimasen." And he stood up and headed for the door. He paused to look at Fuuko, who had started to frown at him. He merely blinked in the same expressionless way, and then he left.

As soon as the door closed, Domon started again. "That—" He began cursing Tokiya so much, saying every possible foul language in this world, and calling him every single insult in the dictionary.

Yanagi turned to look at Fuuko. "Ne, Fuuko-chan…was…was Mikagami-sempai telling the truth…?"

"Of course he wasn't," Recca said over Domon's sudden burst of intelligent language. He looked at Fuuko. "Why d'you think you'd wake up naked with him if he didn't do anything to you? I mean, even if he really didn't mean it, he'd be crazy enough not to lay a finger on you once he gets you naked in bed right beside him."

Yanagi frowned disapprovingly at Recca's choice of words. "How can you be so—"

"Iie, Hanabishi's right," Fuuko spoke softly, looking down on the floor. "I don't really remember anything that happened last night…all I know is that my head hurts and—"

"Aha!" Recca cut in, grinning. "I bet he had you drunk just to get you to bed. He probably offered you too much to drink and then grabbed you when you weren't conscious anymore."

"But, that's not possible…Mi-chan's not that type of person…" she hugged her knees to her chest, looking more glum than ever. "He would never take advantage of me…and besides, he—he doesn't love me anymore."

"Whoever said that you needed to love someone to want to get her stripped? Once a man gets a naked woman in his hands he doesn't give a damn anymore whoever she is," Domon's furious voice made them jump. They hadn't noticed that he had stopped swearing and had been listening to their conversation.

"…" Fuuko closed her eyes and buried her face on her knees. She didn't know if she should feel happy or not. For one thing, she didn't believe what Tokiya was saying at all. Although a huge part of her knew that he would never take advantage of her even if she stripped right in front of him, still all of the evidences pointed to the conclusion that something did happen between them last night. And if that was true, then she should be glad that Tokiya still wanted her, right? But for another thing, what Domon was saying was true, too; and lust could always conquer love anytime. So it would also prove that Tokiya didn't love her anymore, and she could be pregnant anytime and not have a father for the job.

All of a sudden she was feeling upset. How could her life get so ruined like this all in just a night? Why did this have to happen? The sadness inside of her was fast turning into anger. How could Tokiya do this to her, even though he wasn't interested in her anymore? Was that all she was to him? Just a plaything he could have pleasure over and then leave after he'd had his fun?

Had Tokiya changed that much over the year? Or was it simply that Fuuko never really knew him that well yet to see this side of him?

Her head rose so instantly that her three friends jerked in surprise. "Forget about him, minna…let's just—let's just go out somewhere today…" 

***

"It's maddeningly cruel of him, don't you think?" Yanagi commented that noontime, taking a sip if her tea in Ramen-Ramen House, the restaurant they first ate at the day before.

"I'll say," Domon shoved the noodles into his mouth. "To be so malicious-minded…"

"I still can't believe that he could ever do such a thing, though…I always thought Mikagami-sempai was…well…more mature enough to know better," Yanagi frowned. "I'm kind of disappointed—"

"Can we please not talk about it already?" Fuuko snapped, looking up from her bowl. "I asked you guys to go out today so that I can forget about his jerkiness, but you've all been talking about him the whole day! I mean, I already know how big a user he is, okay? Do you all have to rub it in my face?"

Yanagi looked shocked at her, but then she looked down and gave a small bow. "Go-gomen ne…"

Domon stopped eating. "A jerk's a jerk. I always thought so since the first time I saw him way back. Stupid top student…crush of the whole female student body…I bet he slept with all those pretty babes who were all over his highly feminine looks—"

"Will you just shut up???" Fuuko snapped again, glaring.

Domon piped down and became overly interested in his chopsticks. And after a moment's awkward silence, he decided to change the subject. "Ne, Yanagi-chan, where the heck did Hanabishi go?"

"Recca-kun?" Yanagi looked worriedly out the glass doors. "He said he wanted to buy some chips for his midnight snack tonight…in fact…he left thirty minutes ago…" she trailed off.

"Don't you think we should start looking for him? For all we know he could be stuck in a canal or something," Domon put down his chopsticks and glanced at Fuuko. "Ne?"

"Yeah, let's. At least it's going to take someone's mind off Mi-chan for once," she glared at him again and got up.

Minutes later they were strolling down the sidewalk, heading for the apartment, after a useless search for Hanabishi. 

"I think he's gone back to the apartment," Domon frowned.

"Yeah, it'll be just like him to suddenly forget we were all eating at Ramen-Ramen House and say, 'Oh, where had I been? And where are my buddies? Ah, never mind; I'll go back and take a shower.'" Fuuko said sarcastically. "For the love of kami-sama, can't you use your brain for once? Oh, I forgot; you don't have one."

Domon frowned even deeper. "Okay, so it was a bad idea. You can tell me straight, you know; you don't have to be all snobby about it," he said angrily. "You know what? You've been grouchy all day, someone could've fried an egg on your head and still have some heat left to roast beef. You've probably taken lessons from that hungry-for-sex Popsicle Stick—"

"Fuuko-chan!!! Yamete!!!" 

Fuuko had jumped at Domon and was now squeezing his neck to death, cutting the air right away from him. Yanagi had grabbed Fuuko's arms and pulled her away before Domon got too red.

"Look, let's just go back to the apartment, okay? I'm sure Recca-kun will head back sooner or later," Yanagi held back Fuuko's shoulders, looking sympathetically at the gasping Domon.

"Yeah, anything to get her cooled down," he frowned, still panting. "Why the heck can't Recca just show up, damn him—"

"Oi! Minna!"

Speak of the devil.

The three turned around at the direction of the voice, and saw Recca coming out of Mei Ling's Stop and Shop. He ran towards them, beaming. And when he caught sight of Fuuko and Domon's angry faces, he raised his eyebrows. "Nani shiteru yo?"

"Recca-kun," Yanagi looked skeptically at him. "Where are…the chips?"

Recca's eyes widened, and he looked flustered all of a sudden. "A-ano…I decided not to buy any. I might get…um…fat."

"You left us for thirty damn minutes and got us into this trouble just for nothing???" Domon flared at him.

Recca waved his hands in front of him and grinned sheepishly. "Ehehehe…calm down, calm down…let's just go back, kapeesh?"

"Fuuko-chan, we'll go on ahead upstairs, okay? Could you please get our room key from the counter? I'll wait for you outside our room; Recca-kun wants to show me something in his room first," Yanagi smiled at Fuuko twenty minutes later in the lobby.

Fuuko shrugged. "Sure. See ya in a jiffy," she waved as Yanagi sped to where Recca was standing. Fuuko watched them, together with a heated Domon, get into an elevator and disappear from her view.

She stared at the elevator for a few minutes, not exactly knowing what to think. It had been a very awful day so far. And she had a feeling that staying in her room for the rest of the day wasn't going to make it any better.

She sighed. Still, what choice did she have? And she turned around to head for the counter. "Room 417 please," she told the receptionist, and took her room key. 

But just as she turned around, the key flew out of her grasp again. She had just bumped into someone and made that person's key fall to the floor as well. 

She stared irritably at her key on the floor, not moving for a while. Why, oh why, did the gods have to make her day worse?

"Fuuko…"

She clenched her fist and gritted her teeth, staring hard at the key on the floor. She did not hear that voice… she did not hear that voice…she did not hear that voice…

"Fuuko, about last night—"

Kami-sama, doushite??? She frowned crossly, trying to conceal her fury by bending down ever so swiftly and picking up her key. She would just have to ignore him…yes; she'd just walk out of there and leave him…no harm done…

But just as she started walking away, he picked up his key as well and began coming after her. He got hold of her shoulder and this time, there was a small hint of irritation in his voice. "Listen, I need to talk to you—"

She turned abruptly around and shook his hand off her shoulder. She glared angrily at him. "There's nothing to talk about," she said coldly.

"I can explain—"

"Then I don't want to hear it!" Fuuko shouted irately.

A flash of impatience flickered in Tokiya's eyes. "Look, I just wanted to say I'm sorry that—"

A fierce slap on Tokiya's cheek cut him off. After a second of letting the pain sink in his skin, Fuuko spoke her heart out. "You're sorry? You're sorry??? You use me and run me like a damn chess piece and now you're sorry???" she yelled furiously. "How can you chug some sake down my throat, strip off my clothes, take advantage of me, and then say you're sorry?!? You're a complete damn jerk and that's what you're sorry about!!!"

Fuuko, being a fighter herself, hadn't slapped Tokiya like any normal girl would have done. She'd done it with the force of her deathblows, and, considering her vicious attitude, had hit Tokiya really hard. Tokiya slowly wiped the small trickle of blood from the corner of his lips with his finger and turned to look at Fuuko with the same eyes of coldness and, this time, anger as well. It was the only emotion he ever showed in his eyes, and the fact that he'd used it on her angered her all the more. 

"Don't look at me like that, damn it—" she raised her hand to hit him again, but he caught her wrist in mid-air all too easily. After a second of shock, Fuuko's anger aggravated and she raised her other hand, but all the same, he caught both her wrists.

She grunted in frustration, struggling to break free. But no matter how thin Tokiya's arms can be, they were not a tad bit weak at all. Quite the contrary, his hands held Fuuko captive no matter how hard she tried to break loose. "Kuso!!! Let go! Let me go, you jerk! Let—me--GO!!!"

She tugged and cried out, almost in a plea, as every failure of her struggle enraged her more. "LET GO!!!" she cried out helplessly, unaware of all the people now pausing to watch the commotion. She started kicking Tokiya's legs, but her feeble attempts were of completely no use. In fact, Tokiya's grip tightened and she cried out in pain and subjection.

Tokiya paid no attention to the onlookers, and concentrated on keeping Fuuko still enough for him to be able to speak to her. "Hold still and listen."

"Why the heck am I supposed to listen to whatever it is you have to say???" Fuuko cried out in rage. "Just get your hands off me! You've done enough damage with getting into my bed!!!"

That was the last straw. She saw the anger spark in Tokiya's eyes and found herself being pushed against the nearest wall. There were gasps that erupted from the people around them, but Fuuko barely noticed. She was too busy struggling even more.

Tokiya pinned her wrists more tightly on the wall, and spoke in an intimidating voice. "The only reason I was in your damn bed is because you got yourself drunk like it was the last day of your life and went unconscious on me," he breathed calmly, but he might as well have shouted. Fuuko couldn't help but regret everything she'd told him with the way he was talking. No matter how calm it was, there was something in his voice that would've made the strongest man in the world cringe. 

"And then I had to be little mister goody-goody and brought you back to your room, because, heck, if I had left you in the pool area you'd wake up the next day with everyone gawking at your underwear," he went on in the same manner. "But then after I carried you to your bed you started going crazy and pulled me in with you. And the only reason I didn't just pull away when you fell asleep was because I didn't want to wake you up like the good little boy I was," his grip tightened again, and Fuuko held back a gasp of pain. She suddenly felt speechless.

Tokiya blinked. "So the next time you get yourself drunk to death, remind me not to be Mr. Nice Guy and tell me to leave you alone." At this, he dropped her wrists forcefully and Fuuko immediately clutched them in pain. In as much as she couldn't process everything he'd just said, she couldn't just drop her pride and stop being mad. So she glared at him all the more and stalked off without another word, making her way out of the small circle the spectators had formed around them both. She didn't even bother looking back at Tokiya's expression. 

Because as she hurriedly made her way back to her room, it came into her mind that everything he'd just said was damn true.

And she would never dare face him with the stubborn way she'd just acted.


	9. Brief Reconciliation

**PART EIGHT**

**Brief Reconciliation**

"Where on earth have you been?" 

Fuuko looked up and caught Yanagi emerging from their room at around five o'clock that afternoon. "It's been hours since I asked to meet you out here! I was just about to go look for you…we're about to leave for dinner outside now! What happened?"

Fuuko hesitated. After that encounter with Tokiya that noontime, she had changed her mind about going back to her room and decided to head up to the penthouse of the apartment to think. Figure out a way to get herself in speaking terms with him again. Get things cleared. In short, apologize.

But it was too humiliating to look him in the eye and say sorry after all that she'd called him and after all the horrible thoughts she'd thought about him. It took her hours to squeeze her mind and she'd totally forgotten about the fact that Yanagi didn't have a room key and therefore wouldn't be able to enter their room. So since she couldn't think of a less embarrassing way to take back her accusations on Tokiya, she had decided to go back to her room and just flop into bed and sleep.

But now it looked like she wouldn't be able to do even that because Yanagi was surely going to demand an explanation.

"Well…?" she prompted.

Fuuko decided to prolong the topic. She pointed to the door. "How did you get in?"

"There are two keys, remember? One is what we leave and take from the receptionist everyday and the other one's a spare key that they keep for themselves in case we lose the one they let us use," she replied. "I had to get it from them to get into our room. Where were you?" she asked again.

"Let's go inside, okay? I'm exhausted," Fuuko walked past her and stepped into their room. Yanagi walked in behind her and closed the door. "Fuuko, I was asking you where you've been."

"Penthouse. Thought I needed some time to think." She waved her hand absently and headed for the bathroom. "I'm going to take a quick shower, okay?" she said before Yanagi could ask her any more. 

The moment she got inside the bathroom, she sighed and started removing her accessories. She dug in her pocket for the key and placed it aside near the sink.

But then she noticed something. The number on the key chain.

418.

Her eyes widened. Tokiya's room! They must've exchanged keys when they bumped into each other earlier that day!

She blinked. She had the key to Tokiya's room. She had access to everything that could possibly be in it. And she could talk to him anytime she wanted now. The question was, was she brave enough to confront him?

Perhaps she could just slip him a note…or relay a message at the counter…

No, Mi-chan takes things more seriously when they're said face-to-face…

There was a knock on the door. "Fuuko-chan? We're going to be late for the reservation we made at the restaurant…they might give away our seats anytime now! We're going on ahead, okay? Don't run off anywhere else again! You do know where it is, right?"

Okay, I've made up my mind…I'm just going to have to face it like real woman should…She took a deep breath and replied through the door, "Ne, Yanagi-chan, I've decided not to come. You can give my seat away. I'll just…order room service."

"Nani?" Yanagi answered, surprised. "Demo…you were the one who wanted to eat outside tonight! Remember?"

"I remember," Fuuko said, "but I think I'm…uh…I think I'm going to be sick. Just tell me how the food was, okay?"

"You're sick…?" Yanagi asked worriedly. "Maybe I should just stay and—"

"No!" Fuuko replied right away. "I mean, go ahead; enjoy the night with the guys. It's a rare chance to get them to eat at a fancy restaurant back in Tokyo. So take advantage of it."

"Wakatteru…if you say so," Yanagi mumbled. "Ja ne, Fuuko-chan…"

"Have fun!" Fuuko greeted, as she listened to Yanagi's steps leave the room and die out in the hall. 

Fuuko grinned. Here we go.

***

Her shaking fingers tentatively closed in on the doorknob, but she withdrew them again at the slightest contact with it, as if it had just burned her skin. 

What now? She asked herself irritably, annoyed at her lack of self-confidence. She had been standing outside Tokiya's door for a while now, and she hadn't had the luck and determination to barge in just yet. In fact, after deciding to confront him right after Yanagi had left, she had stopped right out of Tokiya's door and no sooner did she touch the door handle did she come straight back to the bathroom of her own room. She had taken a bath (a long one), watched some television, eaten some chips, and stared into space for the last thirty minutes. And her courage hadn't gotten her as far as really barging into his room to say sorry.

And now, after giving everything she had to force her out of her room and at his doorway, she still couldn't find it in her to open his door. If she didn't hurry soon, Tokiya might fall straight off to sleep. After all, she didn't really know if he slept at 6 pm or not.

Just do it! Just bust it open, walk right up to him, say sorry and leave all the same!

She sighed heavily. Maybe she ought to knock first…maybe he might let her in and save her the embarrassment of making it look like she stole his key.

And so she did. She rapped her shaking fingers on his door a few times, and when there was no answer, she knocked louder. But still there was no response.

What is he doing—getting his head stuck in the sink or something? She mused, knocking more persistently. Maybe she should say who she was…but if he knew, would he let her in, then?

"Mi-chan…?" she knocked again. "Mi-chan, let me in, will you? I…I need to tell you something…" she went on, but the door remained closed. She frowned. That's it; I'm going in there. It's now or never, she stopped knocking and shoved the key into the keyhole, turning the knob, before she lost her nerve.

She expected Tokiya to point his Ensui right at her throat the moment she creaked the door open, but even as she stepped fully inside, nothing happened. In fact, he wasn't in the bedroom at all. The television was turned on, though, and Fuuko blinked in surprise and closed the door softly behind her, as her eyes scanned his room.

It was a mess. His clothes were strewn all over the floor here and there, and there were empty cups of noodles and milk cartons scattered randomly. The sheets on his bed were totally disheveled, and the pillows were on the floor. CD cases were propped open on top of the television set, and the CDs themselves were lying upside-down near the set, some even with cracks on them. The lampshade beside his bed was disarranged, and the phone receiver wasn't placed properly, therefore being left hung up. His cabinet was slightly open, and Fuuko could almost make out the clothes inside just as messed up. There were books, some opened and some closed, on every corner of the room, and even the wall clock near his bed was hanging crookedly. It seemed like the only thing that was neatly placed in his room was a painting of cherry blossoms that hung on the wall.

Fuuko shook her head in utter disbelief. It may have been typical for a guy who was living alone these days, but Tokiya was always different from the typical. When she had entered his apartment back in Tokyo years back, his room was as neat and as clean as any hospital could be. Every single thing was put in place, every book in order, and every piece of clothing neatly folded. Another factor why Domon was always referring to him as feminine. No one would ever suspect that a guy without any helper at all lived in that place.

But now…now his room was a total…dump. What had caused Tokiya to change so much? Was he really starting a new life in China now? Was this how he was planning to develop his character?

Still, Fuuko couldn't help but feel like something was wrong, and that something was definitely bothering Tokiya's mind.  A wave of concern flashed over her, and she shook her head to clear away her thoughts. She was here on a mission. And she was going to fulfill it. 

She carefully tiptoed over everything that was lying on the floor, and couldn't help but turn the television off on her way across the room. Seeing that the door to the bathroom to the left was open and no one was there, she peered into the small living room to the right, and saw that the door to the kitchen across the living room was slightly open, steam coming out of it. She blinked, walking quietly across the small living room and stopping right outside the kitchen door. 

Is something burning…? She poked her head quietly inside the kitchen, and saw Tokiya, his back to her, doing something near the sink, a frying pan on the stove beside him billowing out steam, sending the delicious smell creeping up Fuuko's nostrils. One look at the scenario and the only thing she could think of was—

Mi-chan can cook???

She gripped the door more tightly, debating on whether or not she should go and approach him. Now that she was right here, it definitely became a whole lot harder to fulfill her mission to herself. She clenched her teeth and looked down on the floor, swallowing the huge lump on her throat. What was she going to—

"How long do you plan to spy on me like that?"

Fuuko jerked so suddenly in shock that her head knocked right onto the door and it pushed open in a bang.

"Ow!" she winced, rubbing her forehead. She looked up and saw that Tokiya's back was still to her. Damn, she swore to herself. She should've known that being one of the best fighters in the Uroubatousatsoujin, he had amazingly strong senses.

"G-gomen ne," she mumbled, flushing so hard on being caught sneaking up on him like that. Tokiya didn't say anything. Then, without knowing it, Fuuko voiced out what she had been wondering, "You can cook?"

Tokiya shut off the stove and peered into the pan. "What, you thought my food appears magically out of thin air?" he said sarcastically, still not looking at her.

Fuuko winced. Cold. Still cold. Obviously, he was still mad at her. She began twiddling her fingers together, looking down. "A-ano…Mi-chan…I…um—"

In a swift motion, Tokiya turned around and the next thing Fuuko knew was that the blade of his Ensui was sticking to her throat, Tokiya holding it close to her in perfect angle, without any quavering and hesitation in his eyes at all. Fuuko held back a gasp, as she looked into his narrowed eyes. "Tell me how the heck you got in here."

"I-I got your key by mistake when…when we bumped into each other earlier," Fuuko stuttered, forcibly swallowing hard. "I mean…you must've noticed that you got my key…?"

Seeing the apprehension in her eyes and in her voice, Tokiya bit back a smirk of satisfaction and triumph. "I didn't give a damn about the key. I just returned it to the receptionist." He extended out his hand, still keeping his blade close to her. "Give mine back then."

Fuuko's trembling hands dropped the key onto his open palm. Tokiya shoved it into his pocket and lowered his sword, the blade shortening into its handle. He tucked it in his pocket as well, and then he turned back to the pan. "If that's all you came for, I suggest you leave."

Fuuko tried not to let the sharp remark hurt her. She wasn't leaving, not just yet. Not when she'd just seen the twitch in the corners of his mouth when she let out her fear of him. She knew him too well to see right through that twitch.

She clenched her fists on her sides and looked straight at him, trying to erase the quiver in her voice. "No, that's not all I came for."

"Well, spill it." He started fumbling for something in the cupboard.

"Actually, it's kind of hard to say, and I—" she hesitated, and cleared her throat. She was going to have to swallow her pride just for now. "I'd really appreciate it if you at least spare a couple of minutes and look at me."

Tokiya stopped whatever he was doing and sighed softly. He straightened up. "Have you eaten dinner yet?"

Fuuko's eyes widened. Why ask her that all of a sudden? "Um…hai. I'm…" her stomach gave a loud grumble. "…full." Ugh, of all the times to tell me you're hungry! She glared down at her stomach.

"You know, you're a lousy liar, Fuuko." He grabbed two plates from the dish dispenser and started serving the fish from the pan he was cooking a while back. He turned and placed the plates on either side of the small table in the middle of the kitchen, then took two cups and started filling the first one with tea. He stopped short before filling the second one. "This okay with you?" 

Fuuko felt speechless for a while, and seeing the look on Tokiya's face, she nodded curtly, feeling grateful that he was at least inviting her. He filled the second cup and placed them beside the plates. He then stood near one of the chairs and looked passively at her.

She watched him, and looked at the chair across from him, where he had placed the other serving on the table in front of it. What, was she supposed to sit and eat? Or was she going to wait for him to invite her…?

When she didn't move, Tokiya finally spoke, "I didn't poison that, you know."

Fuuko couldn't help but grin. "Arigatou," she said and sat down. He sat down across from her as well. "It's not much. Try to deal with it." He mumbled, not meeting her eyes.

What was that supposed to mean? Fuuko blinked worriedly at him. "Don't tell me you…don't eat much here…?"

Silence.

"Mi-chan, you're going to get thin, you know. That's not good…"

"I know how to take care of myself, thanks." He was still not looking at her. What was he saying? He couldn't even put his things in the right place! And now he wasn't eating well. How was she supposed to believe him?

She decided to let it drop for now, because she didn't really want him to get mad at her again when she hadn't even apologized yet. She should be thankful he was even speaking to her, with the way she treated him that day. And once again, she couldn't find it in her to tell him what she wanted to say.

Too bad Tokiya was always straight to the point. "What did you want to tell me?" 

She hesitated again. She couldn't say it. It was too humiliating. But then, if she didn't say it now, she might not have the chance to say it to him again. "A-about…what happened earlier," she started softly, staring hard at the table. Come on…just say it…just two, simple words… "I just want to---to say that…um…" she swallowed again. "I just want to say I-I'm sorry."

There. It was out in the open.

But Tokiya didn't say anything. There was no reaction from him at all. 

Fuuko reluctantly looked up to meet his eyes, but saw that he was looking down himself, concentrating on eating. Moments of silence went by, and Fuuko couldn't help but feel uneasy. What if he was planning not to hear what she said at all? What if he wasn't going to accept her apology? What if, right after she finished eating, he'd ask her to leave?

Fuuko sighed. There were other things she'd wanted to say, like explaining her harsh words towards him earlier, but now that he didn't even seem to be listening to her, it looked like she didn't need to explain anything anymore. She pushed back her chair. "That's all I wanted to say. Honto ni…gomen nasai. Thanks for listening." She started to get up, but all of a sudden, he spoke.

"Sumimasen."

She looked back at him in surprise. "W-what…?"

"Sumimasen," he repeated, finally looking up to meet her gaze. "I shouldn't have hurt you a while back. I'm sorry."

Fuuko glanced at her wrists, which still had red marks on them, and quickly hid them behind her back. How did he see…? "Iie…you had every right to do what you did. It's my fault…I shouted at you and accused you of something you didn't do…I shouldn't have jumped into conclusions. They don't hurt, anyway," she lied, hoping against hope that he wouldn't notice that her wrists were still hurting her whenever she would exert too much effort.

She watched in curiosity as he got up and walked towards her, and was utterly surprised when he took one of her wrists gently in his hands and flexed it a bit. "Does that hurt?"

She winced. "No," she said strongly, but she didn't get to fool him anyway. 

"Like I said; you're a lousy liar," he commented, still examining her wrist. "Gomen, I can't heal you like Yanagi-san can…"

A huge wave of guilt washed over her at his words. She withdrew her hand from his hold. "G-goshimpai naku…this is nothing compared to what I said to you back then…And, well, I don't really know how I can make up for that—"

"You can make up for it by letting me treat your wounds." He reached for her wrist again, but she stepped back. "That's not what I meant," she said, looking uneasily at him as he stepped towards her again. "Please…stop being so concerned, you're making it hard for me to say I'm sorry…for crying out loud, please listen to me for a change!" she pleaded, seeing that he was paying her no heed. He got hold of her wrists and took the first aid box on top of the fridge. 

"Sorry, I'm not supposed to let a girl tell me what to do. So sit still," he said, leading her to the table again.

"Mi-chan…please…" Fuuko pleaded again, helplessly watching as he knelt down beside her chair and started treating her injury. She sighed. "First dinner, now this? Why are you being so nice to me…? After what I did…"

"It's natural for you to act that way. You wake up naked with me without any memory of the previous night's events, and I can't blame you for thinking I'd done something to you," he replied. "That's why I shouldn't have hurt you just for that."

She began to blush so hard, thankful that Tokiya was too busy with her wrists to look at her face. How could he say such an embarrassing statement about a completely humiliating topic so straightforwardly? He didn't even pause to stammer, and there wasn't a single hint of a quiver in his voice. If she'd said that, she'd be flushing like a tomato. 

"But still—"

He averted his look to her face. "Fuuko, just drop it. It's my fault. No buts." And he went back to treating her. Fuuko fell silent, guilt still crushing her chest. But at the same time, a huge blossom of happiness was swelling inside of her. Tokiya wasn't mad at her. He was speaking to her; being really nice to her. He had offered to treat her wounds, and he was claiming her mistake as his even though it really wasn't. And he was concerned enough to invite her to dinner. He was finally showing acts of warmth to her, and heaven only knew how much it meant to her.

"There." He let go of her wrists, flexing them again. "Do they still hurt?"

She looked down at her wrists, and saw that there were a few thin bandages on them, but they weren't being a hindrance to her movements at all. She tried moving her wrists, and found that the pain that had seeped through them a while ago when Tokiya flexed them was gone. And she could still move them as freely as ever despite the bandages. 

"It's not going to last forever. At least it'll get rid of the pain until Yanagi-san comes back."

She looked at him. "How did you know they went out?"

"Saw them out the window." He shrugged and stood up from his kneeling position. He put the first aid box back on top of the fridge. Fuuko stood up as well and walked towards him. She looked him straight in the eye. "Mi-chan…domo arigatou gozaimasu…" she smiled. "I just want you to know that I still think it's my fault, and I'm sorry. And, about last night…um…thanks for, bringing me back to my room, and…and—not waking me up when I fell asleep," she ignored the blush that was staining her cheeks. "A-and, I'm sorry for, um, the trouble I caused you…when you woke up with me and our friends thought we, uh, did…something." By now she was so red she could've passed for an apple.

He smirked. "I don't really give a damn what they think about me, but it's what they think about you that matters. Don't tell them the truth so we can keep your reputation."

Her eyes widened again. "What? Demo—" she stopped short when she saw the look in his eyes. She slowly grinned and looked down. "Ne, Mi-chan…do you…want to come with us tomorrow night? We were planning to go see the Great Wall, and I just thought, well…you might want to go see it again."

For a while Tokiya didn't say anything. Fuuko sucked in her breath, wondering whether or not he'd turn down her offer again like he did the day before.

She swallowed. "Not that you have to, but—"

"Sure."

She choked. "H-honto…?"

He shrugged. A grin immediately crept between her lips and she pumped her fist in the air, making small jumps of enthusiasm, just like a mad cheerleader on the loose. "Yatta! You won't regret this; I promise we're going to have a great time!"

She beamed at him, but he was looking at her in a really weird way with his eyebrows raised crookedly, as if there was something inside him he was definitely holding back.

Fuuko's grin faded, and she looked at him skeptically. And all of a sudden he snorted and shook his head. 

"You know you look really ridiculous whenever you do that."

And Fuuko burst out laughing.


	10. Too Good to Be True

**PART NINE**

**Too good to be true**

"Okay! Okay! We're coming already!" Fuuko shouted through the window of her room the next night. Outside, Recca and Domon were standing beside a taxi parked outside the apartment, waving for Yanagi and her to hurry up.

"Hayaku!" Recca shouted back. "If we miss the train, we won't reach the Great Wall by dawn!"

"Don't you think I know that?" Fuuko yelled back irritably and stuck her head back from the windowsill, hopping down from the trunk she was tiptoeing on. She ran across her room to the side of her bed and frantically looked around for any last minute stuff she might've wanted to pack.

From the other side of the bed, Yanagi spoke, "Is the taxi there yet?" She shoved a scarf into her backpack and lifted it, standing up from the bed.

"You bet," Fuuko decided she'd packed enough and zipped her bag. "And the guys are hurrying like there's no tomorrow. If you ask me, I think they're taking this got-to-get-to-the-station-on-time-or-die thing way too seriously."

"Well, we did book a room in the hotel there for two nights, and if we don't reach the Great Wall tonight before dawn, we won't be able to use the first night," Yanagi commented, just as the car horn outside honked again. "So let's not argue with them while they're still all hyper and just go down now, okay?"

Fuuko shrugged and the two of them walked out of their room. They dashed down the hallway and down the elevator to the lobby, where Fuuko spotted Tokiya at once, standing obliviously by the doorway with his bag slung over his shoulder, and one hand in his pocket.

The moment he saw her, he turned around and walked out the door to where Hanabishi and Domon were standing. Fuuko and Yanagi rushed out behind him.

"Finally!" Recca commented. "We were starting to think your head got stuck in your bag," he frowned at Fuuko.

"See if you can tell Yanagi that," she stuck her tongue out at him and hopped into the cab's backseat, leaving him blushing. Domon was already inside, and he grinned broadly as Fuuko squeezed in beside him, but scowled angrily as Tokiya followed her inside and shut the door. As Tokiya had told Fuuko the other night, they hadn't told anyone the real story, so Domon was still pretty much pissed off at him. And obviously it was going to be a problem now that they were all going to the Great Wall together.

But then again, Tokiya hated him all the same. At least the feeling was mutual.

"I think we oughta switch seats, Fuu-chan," Domon commented out loud, still staring narrowly at Tokiya. "Better make sure you don't get harassed or hurt by someone who obviously needs serious help, and fast."

"The only thing that needs serious help here is your brain, Domon," Tokiya kept his glare out the window, as if even a glance of Domon would actually make him pull out his Ensui by instinct and freeze the whole country.  "And the only thing that's getting hurt is your freakin' ass if you don't mind your own damn business."

Domon's cheeks swelled like a pincushion. "What the hell did you just—"

"Domon, please," Fuuko grabbed his shoulder. "Just don't mind what he said, okay?"

"Damn it," Domon cursed, breathing heavily. "One more word from that punk and I swear I'll send his butt flying towards Japan and—"

Tokiya snorted and was just about to say something when Fuuko clapped her hand to his mouth. "You shut up, too!" She glared at him in frustration. "Please. Both of you," she looked at the two of her friends back and forth. "Try making it through this whole trip without ripping out each other's throats, okay…?"

Tokiya slapped her hand away from his mouth and stared out the window again, while Domon sighed and started mumbling incoherent words to himself. Only when Recca and Yanagi got on the cab in the front seat did the driver start the engine.

Fuuko sighed. It was going to be a really hard responsibility to keep the peace up. 

For a whole day and two nights.

***

It's not your fault.

It never was.

You had a wonderful life ahead of you…

I knew that…because I once did…

But then I had to take your future away from you…

And make mine as miserable as losing something precious that you've tried so hard to earn for me.

You earned me my life…but ruined yours…and now…

I've ruined mine, too.

I could've died.

I should've died.

And now I'm sitting here wasting your earnings on me…looking at your ambition for me at a distance…

Funny why it doesn't seem like an ambition anymore.

You're not here to see me fulfill it for you , anyway…

So what the heck…

What…the…

Heck.

Tokiya shut his eyes and rubbed his temples, his elbows propped on his knees. He dropped Mifuyu's picture on the floor.  He wished he could just let her go like that…just drop it and let go…let go of all the pain and memories that ruined his chances of ever living life again…

He raised his head and looked out the open window, into the cold night sky…at the Great Wall that stood a distance from the hotel room he was in.

How he wished he were one of the men who'd died building it. Then we wouldn't have to suffer any more than he was suffering now…

"Just grab it and run like the wind!"

Tokiya rolled his eyes as his friends burst the door open, barging into the room like jocks that just won a championship match.

A match at the snack bar.

Hanabishi burst out laughing. "You were right, Fuuko! Kicking that chocolate machine sure gave us a whole lot more bars than all our pennies combined!" He dumped all the chocolate bars invading his hands on the bed Tokiya was sitting on the edge of. "We oughta do that more often!"

"Yeah!" Domon sided. "Imagine having to eat more than we can actually afford, without anyone catching us!"

"Not to mention having to break more teeth than how many you actually have," Yanagi frowned disapprovingly. "You should all give that back. You didn't pay for them."

"Aw, c'mon, Yanagi-chan! How many times can you eat chocolate candies that actually come from China? Live a little, will you?" Fuuko grinned. Everyone else flopped on the bed and started munching the chocolate bars like crazed rhinoceroses. 

Way to greet Tokiya's moody night.

"Awfully quiet," Fuuko managed to say between mouthfuls of chocolate invading her mouth (and spraying the bed). She offered a candy bar to him. "Want some?"

"No," Tokiya snapped, looking narrowly at her. "I can live without losing all my teeth, thank you very much," he stood up and grabbed two of the many sheets neatly folded on the bed. He walked towards the door.

"Where are you going?" Fuuko asked curiously.

"To sleep." He laid the sheet on the floor near the door. "And in case someone's acting stupid enough to worry about my so-called ability to harass another girl (Domon immediately turned red and stopped glaring at Tokiya), I'm not sleeping anywhere near the two beds in this room." And he lay down, pulling the second sheet over him, without another word.

Fuuko stopped eating at once and shoved all the chocolate particles off the bed, shooing off her friends as well. "We better get to sleep, minna. Party's over."

Recca grunted. "Alright, alright," and he and Domon went over to the other bed across the room.

Fuuko walked over to the side of her bed facing the door, where Tokiya was sleeping with his back to them. And just when she was about to lie down, she spotted something on the floor. It was a photograph.

Of Mifuyu.

She picked it up and stared. Mifuyu's golden brown locks were swaying in the wind, and she had on a lovely smile beneath her soulful sparkling eyes. And underneath her arm was another…a small boy of about nine…wearing a look of pure joy that Fuuko had never seen on Tokiya's face all her life…

Not even during the period of time that they were both dating.

And Fuuko realized that even though Tokiya had smiled exclusively for her all those years…she was never really anyone who could compare to the laughter that Mifuyu could bring him.

She stroked Tokiya's face on the picture with her finger slowly. Mi-chan…

"Fuu-chan? Doushtano…?" Yanagi looked skeptically at her from the other side of the bed. "You were the one who told us to hit the sack, you know. What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Fuuko smiled weakly at her, tucking the picture underneath her pillow. "I was just trying to make someone happy."

***

12:00 noon 

The whole morning at the Great Wall, and it was finally lunchtime. The gang spends about thirty minutes complaining on blisters, thirty minutes remarking on how magnificent the Great Wall had been up close, ten minutes on choosing what to eat, twenty minutes on actually eating, and thirty minutes on arguing about where to go next. Tokiya, however, spends ten minutes eating, and the rest of the time either snapping witty comebacks at Domon or staring out into space.

2:00 pm

Everyone decides to go to all the places that each of them wants to visit. The first stop was Fuuko's choice: the amusement park.

2:30 pm

Fuuko drags Tokiya to the Devils' Train after riding for about four times in the roller coaster. Hanabishi tries to win Yanagi a teddy bear at one of the shooting booths…and fails. Domon buys cotton candy.

2:45 pm

Fuuko drags Tokiya to the Spin-N-Puke after riding for about three times in the Devil's Train. Hanabishi tries to win Yanagi a stuffed toy at one of the darting games…and fails. Domon buys popcorn.

3:30 pm

Fuuko enjoys the Spin-N-Puke so much and tries to convince Tokiya for their twelfth encore performance on it, but Tokiya gladly declines and rushes to the bathroom. Hanabishi has played every single game in every single booth at the park, but still hasn't won Yanagi anything. Domon buys barbeque, and around the bench where he is sitting is a litter of sticks of cotton candy, empty boxes of popcorn, four used cans of Coke, sticks of buttered corn, three hotdog buns, five empty plates of fries, and two crushed boxes of Nerds.

4:00 pm

The gang leaves the amusement park: Fuuko whooping for joy, Tokiya's head spinning, Hanabishi's long-gone luck still going away, Yanagi trying to convince him that it was okay if they were leaving empty handed even after two whole hours of trying to win something, and Domon waddling his way, groaning at his aching stomach.

4:10 pm

Yanagi gets her request: the mall.

4:30 pm

As a shopping expert, Yanagi gets a lovely hat, a light blue spaghetti-strapped blouse with a see-through overcoat of the same color, a cute denim skirt with flowers embroidered on it, and a pair of chunky sandals in approximately twenty minutes.

4:45 pm

Fuuko gets the hang of it, getting for herself another sleeveless blouse, and a pair of black elephant pants.

5:00 pm

Yanagi and Fuuko, beaming, leave the mall with three dying guys, totally tired of walking and carrying the girls' shopping bags, completely humiliated of walking from store to store with two hyperactive shopping specialists, and totally drained of their self-esteem.

6:00 pm

Hanabishi and Domon feast themselves inside a joke shop for an hour, buying everything within a five-mile radius. Yanagi and Tokiya are not happy about it. Actually, Tokiya isn't happy about anything, anyway.

6:05 pm

They pass by a jewelry store and Fuuko falls in love with a beautiful, diamond ring--miraculously. Yanagi fancies a silver necklace as well. Recca and Domon, having spent their pocket money in the joke shop, turn to Tokiya, who hasn't spent a single cent, save for his lunch. He frowns stubbornly and backs away. Recca tries to convince him to at least get Fuuko the ring she wants, but Tokiya states that Fuuko could buy herself a ring back in Japan anytime she wants.

6:30 pm

After hours of so-called hell, it's finally Tokiya's turn to get what he wants—to head back to the hotel.

7:00 pm

Everyone flops into his or her beds, and Tokiya heads for the bathroom to take a shower, thankful that his heck of a day is finally over. 

***

Squeak.

Tokiya turned the knob on the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist. He ran a careless hand through his long damp hair, trying to shake some of the water out of it. Then he opened the bathroom door and stepped out of it.

And a loud blaring noise met him.

His four friends were gathered in a circle on the carpeted floor, blabbering and talking out loud. Everyone was acting really rowdy, and it was obvious that none of them really knew whatever the hell it was they were talking about. 

Baka, Tokiya snorted as he caught sight of the empty bottles of sake scattered all over the floor around his friends. He took a step towards the divider of the dresser, but no sooner did an incredibly drunk Domon stop him.

"Nee-chan!" Domon, totally red in the face, called out to him. He got up and swaggered towards him. "Whassa pretty babe like ya doin 'ere? Why don'ya dump 'ol dose clothes of yers and joinnus?" He burst out laughing.

No, it wasn't the first time anyone had ever mistaken Tokiya as a girl. And now that his hair wasn't bound by his ponytail…

Domon swung his hand over Tokiya's shoulder, making him stumble backwards a bit. "C'mon, I can guarantee ya one helluva night!" Hanabishi hooted in the background and whistled at what Domon said.

Not wanting to hurt Domon just because he wasn't in the right state of mind, Tokiya snapped Domon's arm away and continued making his way towards the dresser. But when he felt Domon's fingers tug on his towel even for just a bit…

Domon was seen flying across the room with a blink of an eye.

Hands off, damn you, Tokiya closed his eyes and got to the dresser. On the other side of the divider, he could hear Hanabishi scrambling to his feet to help Domon up. Miraculously, the two girls didn't care at all. Even the two of them were so dead drunk. 

Idiots.

As soon as he was fully dressed, he emerged from the dresser and headed straight for the balcony of the room, not wanting to deal with any more drunk people. He leaned on the railings and looked up at the millions of stars in the clear night sky. Obviously it wasn't going to rain anytime soon.

"Let's get the hell out of these outfits!" Recca screamed in the background.

Tokiya smirked. Hanabishi sure hadn't changed for the past year. Still as wild, still as reckless…still as green-minded. The guy surely wouldn't say no to hiring a geisha, if he ever was that desperate. Of course, Recca'd never do that, considering how Yanagi always kept him tied up. Still, Tokiya knew that Hanabishi had always wanted to see Yanagi get naked some time.

 "BWAHAHAHAHA!!! OOOOHHH YEAH!!!"

Domon. The idiotic loud-mouthed, thick-headed, nose-ringed wannabe gorilla boy who wouldn't know how to stop snickering if it were the last day of his life. The only reason he was always laughing was because his brain wasn't working well enough for him to string two words together. Baka.

"A-ano…chotto matte yo…d-dame!!!"

He had always thought Yanagi was really conservative, and completely in control of all her actions. Of course, referring to her as his long-lost sister, he would always attribute everything good and perfect in this world to her. There could be no negative aspect of this world that could smear her with impurity…and if it weren't for Hanabishi already serving as her "ninja", he would've taken a vow to protect her all his life, too.

"Bring it on, then!!!"

Tokiya blinked. There was a sinking feeling in his stomach, a feeling he always had whenever he would hear that voice. Naturally, Fuuko was one to say that line, considering she was always very confident and would dare to face anything that would come her way. At least, that was how he'd known her to be. But owing to their recent conversations, she sure seemed to have changed now…

Funny how he could determine who was saying what by just listening to their voices, and predict what they were doing with just their words. Did he really know his friends that much? Had he really spent that much time with them, all these years, to more or less know and predict what they would say or do next in a particular situation? Was he really that close to them? Had they really bonded that much? So much, that in every pain that each of them would undertake, he would deeply feel it within him as well? So much, that knowing if they were hurt would shoot up a fire of anger in his heart? And so much, that he would fight to the death with them…just like he had at the Uroubatousatsoujin…?

Was his sister taken away from him, so that he would have a greater need for care? For friendship? For love?

Was he made to live alone and empty, for so many years, so that if he were to find his true friends, he'd forever cherish the joy they would bring him…?

Tokiya shook his head and smirked at his own sensitivity. It was weird for him to keep on reminiscing about things like friendship. He was never one to make friends anyway. So what was there to think about?

He sighed. Things have changed. Nowadays he would always stare out into space in a trance and reflect on whatever pops first into his mind. Years ago he wouldn't even have the time to stare out into space; he'd be too busy torturing himself in his own world. 

But somehow, some kind of ray of light, though small, came through to make him see other brighter sides of his world…

Yes, things have changed, he sighed, looking up at the stars again. Things sure have changed… 


	11. The Perfect Heartache

**PART TEN**

**The perfect heartache**

"Oh my god, I'm so going to die."

"You're not the only one, Fuu-chan…"

"Oh sh*t, I'm not wearing anything but my underwear!" Recca cursed out loud and tried to stand up…but to no avail.

"Well, it was Domon's idea to play Strip Poker, anyway," Fuuko shut her eyes and groaned. "But it's your fault you were so bad at it."

"Strip Poker? We played Strip Poker???" Yanagi's eyes widened. "Iie!!!" She balanced herself on the edge of the bed and tried to walk towards the bathroom, but tripped over a passed out Domon in his shorts.

"H-hime-san!" Recca crawled to where she had fallen face-flat on the carpet.

Fuuko groaned again as another shot of dizziness made its way to her temples, but she shook her head and tried to stand. She wobbled in her place for a few minutes, but she got the hang of it then. At least she was still thinking straight.

A bit.

The first thing that popped into her mind when she got her consciousness back was Tokiya. And he wasn't anywhere in the room. Then she caught sight of him, sitting on one of the chairs outside in the balcony, his back to her. Slowly, she crept up behind him, but as soon as she got nearer, she noticed that he had fallen asleep. One arm was crossed, an elbow propped on it, and his head was resting on his hand.

Fuuko grinned. She had always wanted to catch Tokiya off-guard for once in his life, and now was the perfect time. She crouched in front of him, slowly leaned closer, raised her hand…moved it towards his ear…ready to flick at any second…until—

"Not a chance."

"Aaagh!!!" Fuuko jerked a hundred miles away from him, stumbling down. He was awake???

Tokiya raised his head and smirked at her. "The only time you'd make me lose my guard is when I collapse from one of my battles. Which rarely ever happens, so…" He shifted in his position. "I suggest you drop it."

Fuuko grinned again. "Yeah? Well, it happened just last year when…" she trailed off.

"…forget it." Tokiya cleared his throat. She could've sworn she saw him wince…but then again…

Fuuko shook her head again and straightened up. She beamed at him. "So, what have you been up to the whole night? Don't tell me you were just out here…?"

"I was. That's not your concern." He looked at her up and down, like a surveillance camera or something. "But I can tell you guys weren't just drinking the whole night."

Fuuko blushed like crazy. She had forgotten that she was almost not wearing anything if it weren't for the robe she'd put on to keep herself covered. "Uh…we were playing Strip Poker. Since none of us really had any extra money left from our shopping to make bets, we decided that whoever loses should take off a piece of his garments," she smiled sheepishly. "I guess you can tell I'm not very good at poker, huh?"

"I'll say."

Fuuko opened her mouth to say something more, but just then Recca emerged from the room and approached them both. "Say, Fuuko, do you mind if I have a few words with Mikagami?"

"Uh…"

"It won't take long, I promise. Just a few words and you can have him all to yourself," Recca winked.

Fuuko blushed again. "That's not what I—"

"Listen, why don't you get us something to drink, okay?" Recca grinned at her. Fuuko frowned and stalked off, mumbling something about "errand girl".

"Great," Recca sat across Tokiya. "Can I ask you something…?"

Tokiya frowned. "It's not like I have a choice."

Recca leaned closer. "Look. As you may already know, the guys and I played a little bit of Strip Poker—"

"You call that a little bit?" 

"—and right now Hime-san just passed out. I've laid her on her bed, and heck is she hot! Domon's out cold and won't be up 'til tomorrow, and I'm sure you and Fuuko have to get busy, too, so I'm just asking how I'd—"

"Damn, I never thought you'd sink this low," Tokiya cut in, narrowing his eyes at him. "Didn't I make it clear to you all these years that if you lay a single finger on Yanagi-san—"

"No, no, you don't understand; I just want to—"

"—take advantage of her."

"No, it's not like that," Recca started to frown. "It's completely different if the girl doesn't like you at all! I mean, we're practically engaged now!"

"Still, that doesn't give you the damn right to have sex with a girl when she's drunk!"

"Oh, and you're so good at not doing that, huh?" Recca snapped back.

Tokiya's eyes flared. "Don't you dare go into that."

"Wasn't it the same thing when you doused Fuuko with sake that night?" 

Tokiya kept silent, and Recca flashed him a triumphant grin.

"Self-disciplined Mikagami who always knew what was morally correct and decently proper…" he went on sarcastically, making Tokiya clench his teeth.  "Who would've thought that such an honest and trustworthy guy like that could actually force a woman to bed?"

"Shut up."

"Oh, do we detect a guilty conscience?" Recca cocked his eyebrow. "Mr. Perfect is too good to lecture me on how wrong it is to sleep with a girl, but is too ashamed to admit that he himself slept with one? Who was unconscious?"

"I didn't sleep with her," Tokiya's eyes flicked towards him.

"Right. We all know you didn't just sleep with her!" Recca stood up to glare at him. "You had sex with her that very night!" 

Tokiya stood up to face him. "I did not have sex with her!"

"Oh, sure, tell that to the world when they're not using their brains anymore," Recca waved his hand angrily. "The truth is you practically raped her and you know it!"

"I did not rape the damn wind goddess!" Tokiya glared Hanabishi right in the eye. "Let me give you your damn truth, Hanabishi. Heck, I don't love her anymore; don't you get it? She's a tomboy who doesn't have enough guts to face even a single knack of her feminine side! She can't even wear a decent dress if her life depended on it! Happy now?" 

"Oh, can't I?"

Tokiya stopped short, and Recca dropped his glare. That was—

"Well, sorry," Fuuko said, her fist clenched and her lips quivering. "I'm sorry if I was born and grown that way. I'm sorry if I hang out with guys because no girl ever wants to be with someone so rough," she swallowed heavily. "I'm sorry if I was never the first one to know about the newest fashion, or—or the newest clothes, or the newest pop s-star, or the newest hottie in town…I'm sorry if I wasn't perfect…" she trailed off, trying desperately to hold back a sob and to blink away the watery sensation in her eyes. "…and I'm sorry if…if I wasn't good enough for you…"

"…" Tokiya looked away with the same expression he always wore on his face, but this made it harder for Fuuko to take.

"And you know what…?" Fuuko continued, finding it harder and harder to keep her tears and her anger to herself. "The least you could do…was at least…try to respect…all these years that I've tried…so hard…to be enough for you…" she trailed off again. "But then again…you never really did care for anyone else but yourself…" and at last, a single tear fought its way down her cheek. "So I'm sorry if…you didn't see…how I tried to be perfect…for you…" More tears began to flow from her eyes, and she dropped the two cans of Sprite in her hand down the floor with a rattle.

Her hands flew to her eyes and she turned around, leaving Tokiya with the same sinking feeling in his stomach he had whenever he'd hear her voice.

Only now, it felt like it was sinking much, much deeper.

***

Everything else seemed to go by in a blur after that night. The next thing I knew was that it was morning already and we were packing up…and back here at the apartment. It has been five days since we arrived here in China, and just last night all my efforts have been officially dumped down the drain.

I pretty much just collapsed into the bed that I shared with Yanagi after we got back, and has been here ever since. I missed breakfast…I missed lunch…now it's 4:00 pm and I haven't done anything but to lay down, stare at the ceiling, and switch the channels on the television I'm not watching. Hanabishi, Yanagi and Domon have been out for an hour now since they gave up on trying to cheer me up. I don't really give a damn wherever they are right now; they could be back in Japan for all I care. Right now I don't even have a clue whatever it is I'm doing. I'm tired of being alone, but there's no one else to be with. I'm tired of hurting myself, but torture's the only emotion left for me to feel, anyway. I'm tired of thinking, but there's nothing else left to do but to keep on remembering that Mi-chan doesn't love me anymore, and that I should give up on trying to force myself into his life. Because with the way he talked last night, it sure seemed like he would be really grateful if he were to forget that I actually existed. It's funny, though…I've never been more hurt in my life, but my heart doesn't feel like it's being crushed or anything like before…actually, it doesn't feel like anything anymore…

Oh, Yanagi's back. I wonder what's up with her. She's frowning like it was the end of the world.

"That's it; it's true," Yanagi sank down the bed beside me, pouting. I merely looked at her.

"I've confirmed that Recca-kun is interested in that Californian shop girl in the store down the street. Mei Ling," she cried out exasperatedly.

I cocked my eyebrows.

"Yes, it's true!" she cried again, burying her face into her pillow. "All this time that we were going out the streets of China, and he's been trying to find some lame excuse just to sneak out and talk to her! Like that time when he said he'd buy some chips…turns out he was talking to her for thirty minutes and he came out without a single bag of chips! And just a while ago he ditched me again! Just when I thought this trip would have a happy ending! I hate his guts!!!" Yanagi shouted angrily and pulled the covers above her, completely hiding underneath them. I can hear her muffled sobs beneath the covers.

It looks like I'm not the only one who just got smacked in the face. But at least she still has some tears left to shed, some anger left to show, some hurt left to pour out.

I, on the other hand, am feeling like everything was just sucked out of me. I feel so drained…so passive…so…

Empty.

I don't even want to think of a reaction to all this anymore; I'm so sick and tired of getting hurt and I'm damn tired of trying to make things better when they never really will get better in the end.

And this hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach feels so much better than the piercing and shattering pain at the bottom of my heart before.

Perhaps…it's good to get hurt all the time…because then you wouldn't have to feel anything anymore once you get used to it…

Oh great, I just dropped a tear on one of the pages. Oh…wait…there's more…

Yet still…

I'm laughing…


	12. Warming the Frozen Soul

**PART ELEVEN**

**Warming the frozen soul**

He leaned against the wall, sitting up on his bed. He grabbed the remote, switched off the set, and placed his hands behind his head, staring out at the window across his bedroom. It was 10 o'clock in the evening, and there was nothing good on TV. There was nothing good to think about either.

At least, he wanted to have nothing good to think about, and keep it that way. For once, he was successful in clearing his mind of any disturbing thought.

Until he heard three short knocks on his door.

"Oi, Mikagami! Are you in there?" Domon's irritating voice muffled through his door.  He knocked again. "Oi!"

Tokiya's brows furrowed, pretending he couldn't hear anything. He so didn't want to ruin his night, and Domon's idiotic face would be just the ticket to kiss his peaceful night goodbye.

The rapping didn't stop. "I know you're in there, Mikagami, and if you're not going to open this door, I'll break it down myself."

Whatever. Tokiya turned away from the door. But then it struck him that he didn't lock it. Oh, sh*t, he frowned. Of all the days to forget to lock up his room…

And as if on cue, Domon barged right in. Owing to the fact that the door wasn't locked, it didn't break down. He walked up towards Tokiya's bed. "I need to talk to you."

"Get the hell out of my room."

Domon frowned at the back of Tokiya's head. "Face me, damn it."

"Get the hell out," Tokiya repeated in an undertone.

"Make me."

All of a sudden the Ensui's blade was pointed right at his throat, almost cutting through. Domon could feel the cold tip piercing his skin, but without blood. Yet. Tokiya's eyes flashed menacingly at him. "Get out, or I swear I'll kill you."

Domon clenched his fists and stood his ground. He glared back at him. "I won't leave until you listen to what I have to tell you."

Tokiya's eyes narrowed and in one swift motion plunged his madougu. Domon shut his eyes and felt a sharp pain run through his neck, but soon felt the pain only grazing the side of it. Tokiya withdrew his sword soon enough.

"Hn," Tokiya snorted, shortening his blade and tucking the handle back into his jeans pocket. He replaced his hands behind his head and looked away from Domon again. "You're too much of an idiot to die this way."

Domon grinned. "So you're willing to listen?"

"You might as well talk to yourself."

"Fine." Domon's features turned serious and he took a deep breath. "I've always hated your guts. I don't like the way you treat Yanagi, or the way you treat everyone else, like you're all superior and we're all just lowly creatures who'd dart out of your way at your command. You're too conceited and you don't give a damn about anyone but yourself. You like to keep to yourself all the time and would jump out on anyone who dares to try and disturb you. You're too stubborn and just the look on your face makes my blood boil."

Good, that makes two of us. Tokiya almost laughed at Domon's face. It sure looked like Domon had been keeping this boiled up inside himself for a long time, and was obviously looking for a chance to say it to his face.

"But the thing that I hate most about you is the way you treat Fuuko. Like she's some kind of dirt you can just throw around. One moment you're all sweet and kind and the next thing you know you're shoving her off your life. All you ever do is hurt her and shatter what's left of her self-respect. You're keeping her hopes up for you for nothing. I mean, that's really low."

"I don't need your damn lecture, Domon," Tokiya spoke up. "I know what I'm doing without you acting like my Right Manners and Good Conduct teacher."

"But despite all that, she has always loved you like you never loved her," Domon continued, ignoring him. "She has been going on, still believing that you can love her back someday. She has been worrying about your condition, and was always ready to give you all the chances you can ever ask for. She never gave up on you, and she went on loving you more each day. I never really understood what she sees in you, or what she saw in you in the past…but that's exactly my point. She did see something in you that no one else ever did. It's almost like she particularly chose you…"

Tokiya blinked wordlessly. The topic sure was changing bit by bit…what was Domon getting at?

"Even before you two got together, there came a point in time when she started making comments on how great you are when you're fighting or how amazing your techniques are. She was even bringing you up all of a sudden whenever we were conversing. And whenever you were battling on the Uroubatousatsoujin arena, she would make random praises on your skills. Sometimes, if there were someone who would badmouth your reputation, she would even stick to your side and defend you. It was obvious that she was doing all this unconsciously, but right there and then I knew that she was starting to think of you as more than just her friend, or as her teammate. And it would be wrong of me to keep up my hopes on her."

"But still I kept my usual chase on her just for old times' sake and to avoid arousing any suspicions. Fuuko never noticed that I knew how she felt for you. She never noticed that I knew it couldn't be me. I couldn't be the one she could love. I couldn't be lucky enough to protect her…and keep her safe always…" Domon trailed off. "But you are. And you're given that privilege to love her back, to fulfill her dreams. You were chosen to give her joy, make her complete…so stop damn hurting her."

Domon paused for a while to let it sink in, and an awkward silence fell over the room. Tokiya didn't expect to see this serious side of him. 

After a few minutes, he spoke again. "If it couldn't be me…then at least let it be you. The least you can do is give her the laughter that I never could and never may. All I ask is for you to listen to yourself and love her back, because she of all people deserves more than that."

"I don't love her anymore." Tokiya commented, still not looking at Domon. 

Domon's brows furrowed. "Yes, you do. Once in your life, you were given that opportunity to love her back. Didn't you use to enjoy it? Didn't you realize how happy you were? Didn't you like the way she made you feel at peace, away from your bitter past? Stop kidding me, Mikagami. It will never work."

"That was a long time ago. I'm over it."

"No, you're not," Domon replied angrily. "Aren't you sick of this stupid act you're putting up? You can't always try to stand alone! It's wrong to think that you don't need anyone else in your mixed-up life!"

"My life is none of your freakin' business!"  Tokiya snapped back, finally looking at Domon in the eye.

Domon heaved a sigh and shook his head. "I can clearly see that this isn't getting anywhere into you. You're right; I should have talked to myself instead." He shoved his hands into the pockets of his shorts. "We're heading back to Japan tomorrow afternoon; our plane leaves at 5 pm. And from the looks of it, you'll be staying here in China for a long time." He turned around to leave. Just when he reached the doorway, he spoke up again. 

"Don't forget to write." 

And with this, he quietly shut the door.

To their friendship.    


	13. A Change of Heart

**PART TWELVE**

**A change of heart**

Tokiya's eyes flew open, and he immediately covered them with his hands to shield them from the blinding sunlight flowing through his window. He just had the worst night of his life. All night long the words Domon had told him kept digging into his head, and he was lucky enough to fall asleep at 4 am. Waking up the next day at 1:30 pm made no difference. 

Kuso, he cursed, recalling everything that Domon had said the night before...about his feelings…about Fuuko. It wasn't fair. Why couldn't he just forget about her? Fuuko was always making his life more complicated than it already was…

…but then, she did make it even a little bit easier for him to live through after the tournament. After learning about Meguri-sama's plot during his battle with Kai, he didn't really know what to do next. He was a mess, without a single hint of how his life would be from that day on. He'd gone through a whole lot: he had a major dispute with Recca and quit Hokage; fought with and became a fifth assassin of the Weib Kreuz; had his Ensui hunted down; developed a liking for the Deity of Death; met up and fought with his long-hated cousin Kurama; killed a fellow school mate who happened to be the sister of his so-called brother, Kai. His college life was a mess, too…and if it weren't for Fuuko, who forced him out of Weib and back into Hokage, persuaded him to make peace with Kurama and Hanabishi, encouraged him all throughout his college life, changed a part of his anti-sociality, showered his coldness with her warmth, made him fall in love, and saved his life…

It was funny how only Fuuko could make him smile…how only Fuuko could give a little cheerful side to each of his days…and how only Fuuko could give light and comfort to the darkness of his emotions…

As if a film was automatically played back into his mind, every single memory of her came flooding into him, over and over, bringing confusion to his already confused heart. 

He shut his eyes tight, trying to block out the times they've shared, laughing, crying, together…

All of a sudden he sat bolt up straight on his bed, panting, his hand on his forehead, beads of sweat trickling down his temples. Damn it, he clenched his other fist. His mind was whirling. What the heck was he trying to tell himself? A part of him was denying every memory of her, shielding himself away from any joy he might've experienced with her. But still another part of him was desperately trying to pull back every emotion she had taught him to feel, especially that one emotion he had never felt for anyone but his sister all his life…

Days ago before she came to China, he could've easily said he didn't love her anymore, not even a little bit. Last night was easy to say it, but he said what he said without consulting himself. He wanted the words to spring out before he could have time to realize what he'd just said. 

That was last night. Now it was totally different. He never knew for sure anymore.

He had completely no idea if he still loved her or not.

Oh god…He pressed his hand to his closed eyes so much that he could see stars in the back of his eyes. As if that would help him figure out his feelings. 

He felt like his heart was being torn apart into two, one side willing to preserve the loneliness he had welcomed years ago, and one side willing to embrace the new personality he was growing to learn. It was hard…so hard…for him to just suddenly change the emotions he had been showing all his life into something else…something new…something she made him learn…

It was hard to love again after having lost over and over again…

But…

Wasn't that what Fuuko was doing…? Loving him again after all the times he'd hurt her…let her down…broken her heart…

'She was always ready to give you all the chances you can ever ask for…' 

A chance…another chance…that was what Fuuko was giving him…a second chance to show her that he appreciated all the joy that she'd brought him long ago…a chance to give her the joy she never got, but deserved…the joy that Domon would've given her…the joy that Tokiya was entitled to fulfill for her…

A second chance…to love her…like she loved him…

Fuuko…

And it came back. All the moments they'd cherished together and all the moments he'd failed to make her cherish…he had another chance…because…

Fuuko has faith in me…

Immediately he shoved the covers off himself and got out of bed, a new feeling arising inside of him…he couldn't quite describe it, but it felt so much better than any other feeling he'd been having for the past year of denying his true emotions for her. 

The ring…

All of a sudden he knew what he had to do. He looked up to check his clock. It was 2 pm…they were leaving in 3 hours…

He only hoped he wouldn't be too late… 


	14. Letting Go

**PART THIRTEEN**

**Letting go**

"…super enhanced dish washing paste! Just squeeze a little of this into your kitchen sponge and—"

CLICK!

"Oh my goodness! What the hell did you do? How could you do this to me? I'm your brother!!! Your very own blood! We live in the same house! We graduated together! We grew up together! We played poker together! We fell off our horses together!"

CLICK!

"Tired of silly soap operas that say nothing else but ' I'm your brother'? Sick of listening to them relive old times that are completely embarrassing? Then watch the new soap opera, 'I'm Not Your Brother' and experience something new!"

CLICK!

"…Nanka Shiawase, chotto shiawase, kanjiru toki koso, shiawase no kachi mari…nanka yuke sou, umaku yuke sou kumi dasu iiko de, sute mitae de yuke rune…"

CLICK!

"…for super shiny, super bouncy, super fake hair! All in a small sachet of—"

CLICK!

"…wang ji ni wo zuo bu dao…" 

CLICK!

"Buy now for only $59.95! And if you call now, you can get a free sample! "

CLICK!

"…just add some hot water…there you go, and then pour the sliced potatoes in there in a very orderly fashion; make a small circle like so—"

CLICK!

"…and that was 'Cry' from Mandy Moore at the number two spot this week…"

Fuuko sighed and gave up on looking for a decent show, and stopped at the music video channel. After eating their lunch at 2 pm she had decided to pack up her things already, but after an hour she realized that she had packed almost everything she had brought to China, maybe even more. Now there was nothing else left to do but watch TV, in which of course, there was no good show at the moment. 

And just when she was about to drop it and snooze, Yanagi came bursting into the room, beaming. Cuddled in her arms was a cute little brown puppy. 

"Oh, Fuuko-chan!" she cooed, jumping into the bed with her, making them both bounce. The little pup yapped in a cute way and hopped down from her arms onto the soft mattress. It started wagging its tail and poking the flower designs on the bed sheet.

"What's with the dog?" Fuuko asked curiously, eyeing the puppy as it leaped onto her lap now and started licking the exposed skin past her skirt affectionately.

"You know how I said last night that Recca-kun was replacing me for Mei Ling? Well, it turned out that he wasn't ditching me just to spend time with her; he was actually arranging for me to get this adorable little fellow!" Yanagi squealed happily. The puppy, upon hearing her excitement, must've felt a rush of enthusiasm, because it started nipping on Fuuko's skirt more viciously (although unintentionally).

"Uh, I didn't quite get what you just said, but for now, will you take it away from my lap? It's ruining my skirt. I mean, your skirt," Fuuko winced.

"My skirt?" Yanagi cocked her eyebrow in honest confusion, carrying the puppy away from Fuuko and into her arms again. "Oh right…is that the one I bought while we were at the Great Wall?"

"You lent it to me," Fuuko shifted in her position to show Yanagi the side portion of the skirt. "Flowers embroidered here? See?"

Yanagi nodded. "Right. I honestly can't understand why you'd want to wear it, though…"

"I just want to wear something else for a change," Fuuko replied. "So anyway, you were saying about arrangements…?"

"Oh yes," Yanagi smiled. "Remember our second night here? When I went over to Recca and Domon's room to watch them play cards? Well, that night he found out that I'm really fond of little puppies. I've always wanted to have one, but Okaasan never wanted me to. And the next day while we were out to lunch, he said he wanted to buy some chips, right? I learned that he really was going to buy chips at Mei Ling's Stop and Shop, but then he found out that Mei Ling owns a whole bunch of pups she raised when she was still in California. And then she lent him some photos of her dogs. So then Recca-kun forgot about the chips and concentrated on trying to get me a puppy."

"Awfully sweet of him," Fuuko commented, grinning.

"I have to admit, yes," Yanagi chuckled. "That day when we got back to the apartment, remember when he said he'd like to show me something back at his room? So I asked you to meet me in our room?"

"How can I forget," Fuuko muttered. That was the time she bumped into Tokiya and started a racket at the lobby…

"Yes, he showed me Mei Ling's photos of her dogs and asked me which one is the cutest. I was wondering why all of a sudden he was showing me puppy pictures…it was kind of random, you know? But then he said it was for his dad's souvenir, so I asked no more. For our fourth night and fifth day here in China we were at the Great Wall, so nothing about the puppies actually came up. It was shoved out of my mind, actually. But then when we got back on our sixth day, I really caught him with Mei Ling, and I ran to you, complaining, right? That day, he was confirming the puppy I wanted. And the next day, here it is!" Yanagi lifted up the brown pup and swung it around, the puppy barking happily.

There was nothing Fuuko could do but laugh. "Unusually clever surprise for Hanabishi," she smiled. "So what's the little cutie's name?"

"Name?" Yanagi looked up at the ceiling. "I never really gave it much thought…"

Fuuko grinned. "How about 'Jealousy'?"

Yanagi burst out laughing. "Weird…but I like it! Don't you, Jealousy-chan?" 

Jealousy wagged her tail and yapped happily. Yanagi gave her another whirl around and winked at Fuuko knowingly.

"Looks like you got your happy ending after all," Fuuko mumbled softly, almost to herself.

Yanagi sighed and put Jealousy down. She moved closer to Fuuko and gave her a soothing hug. Somehow, that little act of comfort actually sent warmth through Fuuko.

"Fuu-chan…I'm really, really sorry about how things wound up between you and Mikagami-sempai…I just want you to know that what's rightfully yours is yours, and letting him go is…" Yanagi trailed off and gave her a reassuring smile. "…letting him go is the right thing, because if he's really for you, God's going to do everything just to make sure that you two hit it off!" she smiled again. "Just be thankful that you were given the chance to be his teammate, his close friend, and for a period of time, his girlfriend. I know it's a feeling that would last forever."

Fuuko looked up at Yanagi's comforting face and smiled as well. "Thank you. That means a lot to me."

"Great!" Yanagi patted her hand and beamed. "Now, why don't we get over the past? At least we had fun, and don't forget we got to buy a lot of new stuff," she jerked her head towards the skirt Fuuko was wearing.

Fuuko grinned. "Right."

Yanagi got up from the bed. "Well! I think we'd better get moving now…"

Fuuko glanced up at the wall clock. "At 3:30?"

"Yes, we'll be getting to the airport at 4:30, and then make all those last-minute arrangements, right? That way, we'll be just in time for our flight," Yanagi replied, bending down to check the things she had packed an hour ago, Jealousy running back and forth around her feet.

Our flight…at 5 pm…when I'll have to leave China…and Mi-chan…for good…

Fuuko sighed and shook her head. She got up as well. "Okay, I'll go check if I left anything else." She opened up all the drawers of the cabinets, and rummaged through the dressers. She walked through the small living room and to the kitchen, looking around for stuff she might've forgotten to pack. She went back to the bedroom and into the bathroom, and was just about to leave when her eyes caught sight of some strips of bandages on top of the sink.

Slowly she picked them up, running her fingers through the strips, reminiscing. How nice it was for her to just have stayed friends with Tokiya…that way he'd still care for her…enough to treat her wounds…

She blinked away all of her unhappy memories and neatly folded the strips, walking back into the bedroom and stuffing them neatly into the pocket of her bag. I'll miss you, Mi-chan…

"Well? Forgot anything? Ready to go?" Yanagi asked, straightening up.

Fuuko smiled weakly at her. "Nothing…let's go." And they both picked up their bags and walked out of the room. Yanagi gave a last glance around before she closed the door behind her. 

"Ikuso; the guys are waiting for us downstairs," Yanagi said, and started for the elevator.

Fuuko took a step forward, but stopped. She stared at the room across from her. No sound seemed to be coming out of it. Perhaps Tokiya was sleeping…?

"Fuu-chan?"

She sighed and tore her eyes away from the door, forcing a smile at Yanagi and walking towards the elevator as well. But all the way down it bothered her about Tokiya's whereabouts. Why was it so quiet in his room? Was he out somewhere? Where could he possibly be?

They hit the ground floor and Yanagi went straight to the exit. Fuuko, on the other hand, passed by the receptionist's desk and returned their room key.

"Xie xie ni," the woman at the desk greeted her. 

Fuuko smiled back. "Um, excuse me, but…do you happen to know where the person lodging in room 418 is…?"

The woman, realizing that she wasn't Chinese, switched to English. "Room 418?" She flipped through the pages of a record book on her desk. "Well…no, not really…but I do know that Mr. Mikagami left the apartment at about 2 pm, and hasn't been back ever since."

"2 pm?" Fuuko's brows furrowed. "Did he say he was coming back here?"

"He's definitely coming back; he hasn't signed out yet."

 "Oh," Fuuko remarked, looking down. "Okay then, thank you very much." And she left the desk without another word. All the way to the taxicab she kept thinking about what the receptionist said.

Mi-chan's gone; you'd better forget about him, she told herself, looking back through the window at the apartment. He's not even planning to see you all off.

That's right…she was leaving…and she wouldn't even get to see him for the very last time…so she might as well forget…and leave it all behind…once and for all.

She looked up at the endless blue sky, and smiled. Thank you for everything…for giving me a chance to love you once…

Sayonara, Mi-chan.


	15. The Sweet Pain of Loss

**PART FOURTEEN**

**The sweet pain of loss**

Damn sh*t, Tokiya cursed impatiently, as he collided with a small boy (who apparently started crying) at the airport, almost tripping himself. He muttered a small apology, and then dashed off again. He barely even had time to reach Fuuko in time, much less guide the boy back to his parents. He couldn't even run straight through all the people in the crowded airport, owing to the fact that it was killing him to think of not making it. 

And it so did not help that what the receptionist told him an hour ago kept popping back into his head.

"Oh, I'm sorry; they left thirty minutes ago for the airport…"

After that he pretty much killed himself just to get a taxi and reach the port in forty-five minutes. But the problem was, he'd almost spent ten minutes already, just looking for the plane his friends were boarding.

Or in his concern, the plane Fuuko was boarding.

He skidded to a stop in front of the huge billboards displaying the flights for that day. Panting, he looked up, his eyes darting back and forth through the planes listed and their destinations.

5 pm flight to Tokyo…5 pm flight to Tokyo…come on…where are you damn it…

He froze as he caught sight of the plane he was looking for. And the status—departing.

Holy sh*t, he glanced at the flight number and turned left to its port, checking his watch. And he felt like a huge cannon ball had just dropped into the pit of his stomach. For a moment he thought he would puke. He put his wrist down and didn't dare to think of the time he'd just seen. He concentrated on running his lungs out as he glanced around frantically for the port he was looking for.

This was insane. He was just given the best woman in the world a year ago to be his and only his. And yet he had let her go. He had even escaped from her by running off to China. And just a week ago he was given another chance to have her back. But all week he'd ignored her and acted like she wasn't even there. And now it was the seventh day, and she was leaving…in less than minutes…to leave his life forever…

And here he was just realizing how much he really loved her.

He'd seen these kinds of situations in movies before; oh yes, too many clichés that it wasn't interesting to watch anymore, because it was always the same ending. Everyone would already know the outcome. There would always be some guy in an airport to chase a girl at the last minute, and then the suspense would build up because the audience would think that the guy wouldn't make it. But in the end the guy always does anyway, and then there would be this big, happy ending with stupid kissing scenes and jumpy music in the background.

Same old stupid storylines.

But now that it was actually happening in his life right now, boy was it more than different. The fact that he actually might not make it was driving him more than crazy and he was hoping against hope that the ending really would be just like the movies.

Please…please…god let me make it on time…

And so he ran some more, not caring if everyone else around him was gawking at him like he was some wild horse on the loose. It didn't really matter if the cops started gaining on him any second, or if he drops dead from exhaustion right after he stops…

All that mattered right now was seeing Fuuko's face again…seeing her smile…hearing her sweet voice…and touching her skin…proving to himself that he actually made it…he actually reached her in time…to tell her how he really felt—

He finally reached the end of the endless hallway he'd been running on, where there were people crowding against the glass walls and attendants roaming the ticket checks and the entrance to the plane.

To the plane that wasn't there.

Anymore.

He slowed down to a stop, blinking through the glass walls at the wide airways of the port. Planes were moving here and there, and trolleys and carts were pulling luggage to every plane in sight.

But it was a blinding truth to him that there was an undeniable empty space right in front of him. 

The plane was gone; he didn't make it; he was a second too late.

He had just lost the woman he loved.

He had just lost Fuuko.


	16. Until I find You Again

**PART FIFTEEN**

**Until I find you again**

He took another chug of sake, leaning his head back onto the soft mattress of his bed. He was sitting on the floor of his messy room against his bed, one knee up and one arm propped on it. The other arm was dropped carelessly on the floor, clutching an almost empty bottle of sake. He knew he wasn't the type to drink, but what the heck. He didn't have a single problem on handling alcoholic beverages anyway. 

And besides, there wasn't anything much left to do.

She was the most amazing woman he had ever met…the only one who could make him smile…the only one who could possibly take the place of his sister in his life…

And he let her go.

She was his to make, but he let her go. She was right there in front of his face, all along…and he was too damn stubborn and too damn stupid enough to not realize how much she meant to him…how much he needed her…and how much he loved her.

She really was the first woman who made him smile after his sister's death…she was the only one who wasn't bothered by his coldness…who would always greet his moody days with a big smile plastered on her face. She was always jumpy and enthusiastic despite all her troubled times…and all his troubled times. Some may think of this as a sort of insensitiveness to the feelings of others, but he, somehow, found this interesting. Truly, it was effective in helping light up his darkened days, and sometimes it even became a little too effective. It would make him smile in spite of himself. Her cheerfulness was very contagious, indeed.

And most of all, she was the only one who ever really understood his bitterness. She understood him whenever he was upset, or whenever he was especially grumpy, or whenever he was mean to everyone. She fully understood his situation, and her place in his life. She knew when to say what, and she was used to his attitude so much that she even knew the specific sequence of his mood swings. She completely understood what it was like to be in his shoes. She might not have noticed it, but he sure did. 

And he appreciated it all…but then he never really got around to showing her how much he did.

He appreciated how she would grab his arm too tightly at school every day whenever she needed something…how she would place her hands behind her head and give him a sideways glance just to call him Freezer Boy…how she would jump around all hyper and scream 'yatta' whenever he'd agree to help her out with her homework…how she used to visit the Koneko No Sumu Ie just to see him back then…how she persuaded him to accompany her home all the time…how she attracted him with her glowing happiness…how she charmed him with her warm smile…how she captured his heart with her sweet kiss…and how she made him fall so hard there was no other way but to give in…

It was always Fuuko. Fuuko stopped him from fighting all the time; Fuuko made him realize that living his life on revenge wasn't what Mifuyu would want; Fuuko broke the barrier to his heart and opened up his eyes to the more beautiful aspects of this world; Fuuko taught him to appreciate whatever it was that he had; Fuuko taught him the real reason for living; Fuuko made him realize that he needed someone to love all along…and someone to love him back…; Fuuko taught him that there was more to life than bitterness and hatred; Fuuko gave him the courage not to run from his past but to face it; Fuuko guided him not to brood over yesterday but to move on to tomorrow…  

Fuuko…Fuuko…Fuuko…

He tossed the bottle on the floor, sending it rattling across his room. He dropped his head into his hands, every memory of her playing over and over again. He loved her so much…and missing her was even worse. What he would give just to turn back the time and change all the mistakes he made…apologize for always hurting her…and start all over…

"Damn, I love you, Fuuko…" he whispered helplessly, closing his eyes. "I just wish you knew…"

The silence was deafening. It seemed that even silence was pursuing his regret…and torturing him. Making him realize his perfect mistake. And without doubt, he couldn't agree more.

Until he heard the sound of silence break.

"Now I do."

Tokiya's eyes flew open and his train of thought stopped dead. What the hell…?

Slowly he raised his head, hoping, yet afraid of hoping too much…

But there she was, standing by his very own doorway, her backpack slung over her shoulder, still in the very same beautiful package, complete with the smile he'd been thinking of since she left.

For a moment he just stayed that way, staring at her. He wanted to say something, but he couldn't seem to get any words out. It just seemed so impossible that she would be right there…smiling at him…

He was beginning to think his eyes were playing tricks on him, but just then he saw tears trickling down Fuuko's perfectly rosy cheeks. And the next thing he knew was that she had dropped her bag on the floor with a thud and she was running towards him. She knelt down right in front of him and fell into his arms lovingly, sobbing in his chest.

Tokiya felt like he would die right then.

He wrapped his arms around her shaking shoulders tightly, kissing her head as she laid it on his shoulder. He closed his eyes, taking in the warmth of her body and the wonderful beating of her heart against his.

"Fuuko…" he whispered, hugging her tighter. He'd just sworn that he would never let her go again.

Fuuko in turn cuddled closer to his embrace. She calmed down a bit and sniffed, finally raising her head to look at him. She smiled that perfect smile of hers again…and Tokiya felt like all the air was just knocked out of him. His fingers reached out to touch her cheek gently, and then he carefully brushed away the tears that were staining her perfect face. 

"Fuuko…gomen ne…" he spoke softly, finding it hard to look her in the eye. He was not good at showing his emotions, much less saying them out loud, no matter how much he was screaming inside. Words just never got along with him. And because Fuuko's beautiful, tear-glistened face was gazing up at him in sweet innocence, his tongue immediately felt like it was just tied to a knot and he couldn't get any words out. "I can't tell you how big a jerk I've been for all the times I've hurt you…and I don't really know how I can make up for all that—"

Fuuko giggled and placed a finger on his lips. Luckily, Fuuko didn't want to hear his words. Just the pure look of sincerity in his eyes was enough to tell her everything she needed to know. "You don't have to make up for anything, Mi-chan…" She wrapped her arms around his neck and closed her eyes, laying her head on his shoulder again. "Just being back here in your arms is more than enough for me…" 

Tokiya merely hugged her closer, and when Fuuko noticed his sudden silence, she looked up into his face again, and saw something she never thought she would ever see after such a long time.

A single tear had rolled from his eye, despite the ever-passive expression on his face. 

She lifted her finger and slowly traced the trail that the tear had left on his cheek. "Mi-chan…?" she looked at him right in the eye. "What are you doing? The Mikagami Tokiya I knew would never shed a tear if it were the last day of his life," she smiled.

That's because it's not my last day that would make me upset, Tokiya blinked. It's the fact that my stupidity almost cost me to lose you…"I would if it were for you," he replied, still not changing his expression. Fuuko's eyes softened and she hugged him again. Tokiya closed his eyes and laid his cheek on her head.

"Fuuko, I…" he hesitated. "I know I don't deserve you…you deserve someone so much better than I am…I was never really good at being by your side in the past. My life is just too full of bitterness and I can't…" he paused again as Fuuko looked up at him. "I can't get you caught up in my life…no matter how much I love you…" he breathed, tucking a few strands of her hair behind her ears. 

"Mi-chan…"

"…I'm just…so damn tired of this hell of a life, and I'm so damn sick of being alone…" he trailed off and looked away.

Fuuko sighed. He was confused…she could see it in his eyes. She knew that no matter how much he always tried to look so oblivious, he was still a jumble of emotions within. Somehow, she always did see past that mask on his face. Right now was a living proof of that. Tokiya was obviously trying so hard to change the way he was, just for her, but it had never been easy for him to do that because of the way he was living for all these years. It just wasn't easy to snap out of it, no matter how much it was killing him and how much he wanted to. And the fact that he was giving it all that he had…to the extent that it was driving him crazy knowing he'd have to let her go with someone she deserved if he couldn't be enough for her…

It proved more than anything just how much he loved her.

She gently turned his cheek to face her and looked into his pools of light blue. "You know that I love you…I always have…so don't tell me you don't deserve me, because I wouldn't trade you for anyone else…" she bore her eyes deeper into his. "And just like before…we can face your sadness together…I can help you drive away the loneliness that you've been suffering through all your life. You're not alone, Tokiya…I'll always be here…for you…" she whispered, barely noticing that her face was only inches away from his now. Yet still, moments of silence passed them by, either of them moving or speaking, just staying that way, cuddled together with their breaths mixing with each other's…

Then Fuuko felt Tokiya's face come closer…saw his eyes blinking sweetly yet uncertainly down at her…and found herself staring at his lips…as she unknowingly parted hers…

And just when she closed her eyes, she felt the warm softness of his lips on hers. It was a sensation she'd always longed for all this time, to feel his lips again and to drown in his sweet kiss…

And as Tokiya deepened their kiss, she felt his urge for her as well. It had been such a long time since she felt this…

Such a long time…

Slowly, they shifted in their positions, her arms still fully draped around his neck and his hands sliding down from her shoulders to her waist. Fuuko parted her lips again to give him the warm welcome he was waiting for, and as he plunged his tongue into her mouth, teasing her, playing with her, she felt a pleasured moan crawl its way up from her throat. She moaned again as he toyed with her tongue, and felt his hand at the back of her head, pulling her closer still into their kiss. The longer it went on, the more urgent it became, and soon Fuuko felt him gently pushing her down the floor…and her own body letting him.

Moments later she was laying flat on her back, and he was still kissing her. Her mind was screaming out loud in protest. She knew where this was leading to, and she didn't think she was quite ready for that yet. But somehow her body wasn't reacting negatively to this at all, but was even encouraging it on.

Because when Tokiya finally ended their kiss, she sighed in content and her fingers immediately made their way to the first button of his shirt. And propped it open.

Tokiya didn't seem to notice, though, because he, too, was busily giving in to his emotions, this time kissing her exposed neck. Fuuko moaned at the first contact and threw her head back, giving him more access to the rest of her neck. She opened his second button urgently and was just about to open the third when she suddenly flicked her eyes open and froze.

What the heck were they doing?

Tokiya felt the tension in her body and stopped as well. And then all of a sudden he jerked a hundred miles up from her and stumbled back, his eyes wide.

"Oh sh*t," he took her hand and pulled her up from the floor, both of them standing up. "G-Gomen…I didn't know, I wasn't thinking…" 

Fuuko flushed so much that she thought her face might explode. She wasn't thinking, either…it all just seemed so right at the moment…because he just tasted so good…

She swallowed heavily and concentrated on the fact that Tokiya was actually stammering. He'd never really done that before, and it was more than flattering to have him do that because of her. She tried to smile. "Um…iie, that's okay…"she squeaked shyly, and then realized what she'd just said. "I mean, uh, it's not that it's okay to do that but; I mean…I wasn't really thinking either and…we should—we should—" She swallowed heavily again, seeing that he wasn't looking at the floor anymore, but at her. "Just—not yet, okay?"

He gave a curt nod. "Sorry."

She smiled again and squeezed his hand. "By the way, why'd you leave the apartment at 2 pm a while ago?" she asked, trying to drive away the awkwardness of the moment.

He twirled her around and they both closed in for another embrace, her back to him, and she pulled his arms around her waist over her stomach. "I should ask what made you decide to come back," he whispered in the back of her ear.

Fuuko chuckled as his breath tickled her. "You probably know why, anyway," she grinned. "It was fifteen minutes before the plane left for Japan, and I was already in my seat. But I kept looking out the window…and there was this big nagging feeling in my heart," she said, leading Tokiya's hand she was holding to her chest. Her skin tingled at the warmth of his palm against her clothing. "Right there. And I knew I couldn't leave you, not ever." She leaned her head back and tried to look at him. "Even if you didn't love me the way I love you anymore."

"I've always loved you," he kissed her head again. "I was just too much of a smart ass to confess."

She laughed at that. 

"Seriously?" she asked, looking at him when she'd recovered from her fit. And finally, after a long, long time, she saw him smile again. She smiled as well. "That's good enough." And she cuddled back into his embrace.

Tokiya sighed. "You know, I never did go see the Great Wall when I got here a year ago."

"What?"

"It's true that it's what oneechan wanted, but I never got the courage to see it. It wasn't until you guys brought me there did I see it up close."

Fuuko shifted in her position a bit. "You're kidding. I mean, why come to China when you're not going to see the Great Wall anyway?"

Tokiya paused for a second. "I was afraid to fall in love with you."

Fuuko's eyes widened and she broke free, turning around to face him. "What…what are you saying…?"

Tokiya cupped her cheek and gently rubbed her skin with his thumb. "I let you go…and then left…because I didn't want to fall for you again. I knew it'd never work out between us, and I knew you belonged to someone else. I didn't want to hurt your feelings, or mine, so…I left."

Fuuko's eyes softened. "You left because…you were scared…?"

Tokiya smirked. "Never thought you'd see the day, huh."

She smiled again. "I can pretty much relate. I was afraid, too…I didn't attend your graduation, right? And I never even went to see you off that day when you left…I was so scared of losing you…I didn't want to let you go…but I thought it was for the best, because I thought you deserved someone else, and you deserved a better life, away from us, away from me. I thought that in China, maybe you could…live a better life."

"That's what I thought, too," he said, still not removing his hand. "Hell, was I wrong." He then bent down to give her a light kiss. "Because without you I wouldn't even be living right now," he whispered, his face still close to hers.

Fuuko opened her eyes after the kiss and laughed quietly. She gave his chest a light push. "You've always had a way with sweet words, you know that?"

He shrugged and smiled. "I've never used them on anyone but you, though."

"Oh, really?" Fuuko stepped closer again and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I liked the words, but the kiss needed a little work," she giggled.

"Teach me, then." And they kissed yet again, this time not just some peck on the lips. Tokiya had gone exploring inside her mouth again, and Fuuko nibbled on his tongue just as greedily. He dove deeper, finding the taste of her simply…irresistible. And as Fuuko pulled him closer to her, she once again felt that burning heat of passion rising up inside of her, driving her dizzy with desire for him, until—

Until Tokiya broke free and pulled back. And Fuuko was glad he did before she lost her self-control. Panting slightly, she licked her lips nervously and looked down.

"Sorry," they uttered at the same time, and then Fuuko smiled sheepishly. "Thanks for, um, stopping me."

"Sorry I didn't stop sooner," he replied awkwardly.

Fuuko shook her head. "I just don't think I'm…ready for…that kind of thing. I mean…uh, we're not even married!" she giggled nervously, suddenly realizing the meaning of what she said. "I mean—"

Tokiya smiled. "You mean only that lucky guy gets that privilege from you?"

She grinned. "Yeah…you could say that…"

He stepped closer. "Is…that your concept?"

Fuuko blinked curiously at him. "Well, come to think of it, people really shouldn't be…uh…doing that thing…unless they're married," she stated. Whoa, she'd never in her life thought she'd be having this kind of…conversation without even quivering in embarrassment. Maybe it was because it was Tokiya…or maybe she just liked him too much to care.   

"I see." 

Fuuko was just about to say something else, but then she watched in surprise as Tokiya took out something from his pocket. A small black box.

And he got down on one knee right before her.

Oh-my-god.

Tokiya looked up at her with his adorable blue eyes that she had never before seen as serious as they were now. And he was looking into hers so deep in pure affection…"Can I be that lucky guy, then?"

Fuuko could've sworn that time stopped right then. Her voice was caught in her throat and she couldn't find anything to say.

Tokiya didn't break his eye contact. "I know you might think that we're still too young, or that it's not going to be easy living our own life, but…I swear I'll take care of you…and I'm not going to let any harm come your way. If need be I'd be willing to get a job as a sewage cleaner or whatever just to make sure I give you whatever it is that you need…" He smiled. "And I'm not asking you to marry me because of that privilege we've talked about. I don't even give a damn about that. I'm asking you this because I love you…so much…with all my heart…and I don't want to make the same mistake of letting you go again. You saved my life, Fuuko…and I swear I'll use it up only for you…"

Fuuko couldn't say anything. It was too much of a surprise…it was too much of everything. Here she was, in the room of the only person she had always loved the most, who was now proposing to her. Mikagami Tokiya, the coldest person she had probably met, who was always known for his antisocialism, and severe lack of affection and emotions…the one person who would never open up his heart to anyone, ever…the one person who would never crack a smile or a joke at anyone, either…the one person least likely to feel love…

…was asking her to marry him.

And she loved him so much that she couldn't find the right words to say how much she wanted to.

Immediately, tears began to well up in her eyes once more. "Tokiya…" she whispered. She wasn't sure…if she could be worthy of him…it was too sudden…and she was uncertain if she would make it…but…

Slowly, a smile formed on the corners of her lips. She looked down lovingly into his eyes. "It would be nice to be the lucky guy's lucky girl, wouldn't it?"

And Tokiya gave her the most beautiful smile she had ever seen.

He got up and slipped the ring inside the box into her finger and kissed it. "Aishiteru yo," he breathed.

"Aishiteru." She tried to smile but her sobs got the better of her. Tokiya gave her a hug and she sobbed even harder. 

"Is it that bad to marry me?" Tokiya whispered in her ear, making her laugh despite the tears in her eyes. 

"Shut up," she chortled, pecking him on the cheek. She raised her hand to examine the ring he'd just given her. And then her eyes widened. "Hey, this is—"

"The ring you wanted at the Great Wall," he finished for her. "Now you know all the trouble I went through just to catch you on your plane. The plane you didn't board."

Fuuko laughed again. "You sound like you would've wanted me to board that plane!" She grinned and looked at the ring again. "Do you realize how much this just cost you?"

"Nothing else could ever add up to you," he replied, placing his hands on her waist.

Fuuko cocked her eyebrow and sneered. "There you go with those cheesy words again," she moved closer. "You know, I never knew you'd actually know how to propose."

"I never knew, either," he answered lowly, staring deep into her eyes again. "Did you like it?"

"It's not really a Grammy award winner…" she batted her eyelashes sweetly at him. "But I guess it will do."

He touched her face gently, his fingers moving down to trace her lips. "I think I need a little more inspiration for it."

She looked up into his eyes as well and smiled mischievously. She placed her hands on his cheeks. "Then I'm willing to give you all the inspiration you'll ever need."

And their lips locked together to taste the sweetness of love that was once wavered…but never lost…and was rekindled with a new kind of flame that would last forever. 

For as long as true love knew its place deep inside their hearts.


	17. Epilogue

**EPILOGUE**

****

Domon,

Hey. You told me to write, so…here. I hope I don't have to ask what's up. You guys are probably running amok in Tokyo again like before, anyway. 

So perhaps you're wondering why I did write, then. Well, I just wanted to thank you. For talking to me the night before you left. That changed a lot, and, I never thought I'd say this, but…I appreciate it. It must've been hard for you to set aside your feelings for Fuuko just for me…and I'll always remember that. Thanks.

Anyway I better stop before I get all damn sentimental. You get my point, anyway.

Fuuko and I will be staying here for a while…we'll be back in Tokyo on the second week of May. Hope you'll take care of yourselves 'til then. 

Tokiya

P.S.

By the way, Fuuko said she'd like to know what that new job of yours you mentioned to her is.

Domon smiled and folded the piece of paper back into its envelope. He was glad to have changed Tokiya's life in a good way…and it was nice of him to be writing letters now. 

Well, the contents weren't really all that friendly, but it was a start.

And it was nice that Fuuko was happy now…she was finally with the one she truly loved…although it hurt him like hell. What he'd told Tokiya back then wasn't really all truth…he did still love Fuuko, even though he'd found out long ago that she had feelings for Tokiya. Domon didn't keep chasing Fuuko just for kicks; he truly did still love her. And it didn't matter to him that his love would be unrequited forever. He just wanted to love her, and protect her, while no one else was.

But now that she had Tokiya, the so-called perfect guy, he felt he no longer had to keep up his place in Fuuko's life. It was time to live again. It was time to live a new life.

It was time to let her go.

Domon put down the reread letter in his hand on the counter and looked up at his friends on one of the tables inside the coffee shop. Everyone was smiling, laughing, joking around…and his eyes immediately fell on the object of his affection. 

Well, former affection.

Fuuko threw her head back and laughed hysterically at something Hanabishi said, pounding her fist on the table. He'd always seen Fuuko go wild and loud even in public places, but this time there was something in her eyes…a radiant happiness glowing evidently from her…showing her indescribable joy deep inside. Fuuko was really enjoying herself. In fact, since she came back with Tokiya last week, he'd always seen that glow in her. And despite the hurt within him, he was still glad for her.

His eyes shifted to the person sitting beside her. Tokiya was listening intently to what Fuuko was saying after recovering from her fit. And then a burst of laughter came from Recca and Yanagi across from them. Fuuko started laughing again, and Tokiya grinned.

Which was really rare whenever he was with the gang. Since the couple came back, he'd seen him laughing when he was alone with Fuuko, but whenever the others were there, the best he'd do was crack a small smile, no matter how funny something would be. Of course, that action of his was unusual already. But now he was grinning. Perhaps he was finally getting over his steel coldness…all it needed was a little more time. At least everyone was truly happy now. 

Everyone except Domon.

Tokiya turned his eyes away from Fuuko for a moment and took a drink from his cup, but then his eyes landed on Domon and caught him staring at them. He put his cup down and said something to Fuuko, which made her stop laughing and turn to Domon as well. She smiled and stood up.

Domon straightened up behind the counter as he watched Fuuko walking towards him. Years ago he would've jumped at this opportunity and fed his ego by thinking that Fuuko was walking towards him for some obviously romantic reason, but things have changed. His friends have changed. And he was willing to change with them. 

Fuuko leaned her elbows on the counter and smiled up at him. "Want to join us?"

Domon shook his head. "Nah, I've got work to do." He watched as Fuuko's eyes traveled down to his hand, where he was still holding the letter Tokiya had sent him months ago. And he quickly hid it.

Fuuko grinned. "C'mon. Take a break. I'm sure your boss wouldn't mind. It's not like the place is hoppin', you know." She gestured towards the other tables. Besides the table of their noisy group of friends, there were only two other occupied tables in the coffee shop. One table with a family in it, and another table in the far corner where two lovers were sitting stealthily and quietly, doing who-knows-what. Fuuko looked back at him. "So whaddya say?"

Domon glanced warily at the open backdoor beside the mug shelves, and saw that his boss was snoozing away in the back office. He sighed and started removing his apron. "Okay, fine. But just for a while, okay?"

Fuuko didn't reply and grabbed his hand, leading him around the counter and towards her table. The moment Domon reached the table, Recca immediately moved aside to let him sit. "Yo, man; glad you decided to take break," he said, as Fuuko returned to her seat beside Tokiya.

Domon shrugged. Tokiya turned to him. "You work here the whole day?"

"Just for the morning shift. It's a part-time job." Domon grinned. "Don't bother asking what my real job is, because I have no intention of telling anyone just yet."

Yanagi rolled her eyes and turned to Tokiya. "Don't mind him; he's been saying that for ages. You'd think he was working for the C.I.A."

"Say Domon, we were just talking about the wedding. We were thinking about making it double; you know what I mean?" Recca grinned. "On the first of June. Hime-san and Fuuko here would be June brides. And you're our best man," he jerked his head towards him. 

Domon tried not to get so childish as to get jealous. "You mean, I get to be best man for Tokiya's wedding, and your wedding? How am I going to manage that?"

Recca shrugged. "It's a double-wedding anyway, so we'll all be in the same place at the same time! Pretty cool to me." He looked at Yanagi and she smiled. She looked at Fuuko. 

"Besides, the earlier you two get married," she pointed at Tokiya, "The earlier you two get to show us all a Fuuko and Mikagami junior!" She giggled and Recca chuckled as well.

Domon watched as Tokiya went rigid and Fuuko began blushing so hard that firemen could've mistaken her face as a burning building. The couple exchanged nervous glances and all of a sudden Fuuko grabbed Yanagi's arm and hauled her out of her seat.

"Wha--?" Yanagi started to speak, but Fuuko cut her off. "We have to go to the little girls' room. You guys, uh, have a little guy-talk for a while, o-okay?" she stuttered, then disappeared with Yanagi through the door just behind the table they were in. 

"Was there something we said?" Recca asked, and noticed that Tokiya suddenly seemed really interested in his coffee mug's design. He cocked his eyebrow at him. "Tokiya…?"

But the suspicion didn't have to linger long enough, because immediately they heard Yanagi's surprised voice boom through the bathroom doors. 

"YOU'RE PREGNANT???????????"

Both Recca and Domon turned to Tokiya with their jaws dropping. "Fuuko's pregnant?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?" they both exclaimed at the same time. Tokiya cleared his throat, but just then the two girls burst out of the bathroom, both of them flushed.

They both rushed to their seats, and Fuuko looked nervously at Recca and Domon. "Uh…did you guys…hear anything…?"

"Damn right we did!" Recca said, but Domon noticed that he was grinning from ear to ear. He grabbed Tokiya's hand and shook it enthusiastically, causing him to jerk up in surprise. "That is so cool! You guys finally made out! Care to teach me a few tricks?"

Yanagi blushed, and Tokiya, instead of getting irritated again, smirked. "Trust me, you don't need my help."

Fuuko turned to Domon. "Ne, Domon…daijoubu? You've been awfully quiet…I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner…"

Domon stood up from the table just in time to hear the sound of the door chimes ring. He turned around and saw the backdoor to the office swing close. "I have to go back to work." He started for the counter again, refusing to answer the question. Last week Fuuko had told him the true story about what happened between her and Tokiya that night in Beijing, and Domon was relieved to know that Tokiya hadn't done anything to her. But she never mentioned anything about having already done it with Tokiya during those days they stayed in Beijing alone together…and he certainly didn't know that Fuuko was pregnant now. With Tokiya's baby.

He knew there was nothing to be upset about; after all, the two were getting married and it didn't matter if they'd already done it or not. But he just didn't feel right. Domon would've taken it easier if Fuuko had just gone straight out and told him about it, instead of saying it now only because she was forced. He didn't like the idea that Fuuko kept it from him, and he didn't like the idea that Tokiya let his long-built self-control go and actually yield to his desires and do it. However way he looked at it, it just wasn't right.

Domon stopped when he felt Fuuko grab his arm. He turned to look at her. 

"Domon…please…try to understand…" she pleaded, looking seriously at him for once. "I'm sorry I hadn't told you sooner…we just weren't ready to tell anyone, but now…" she trailed off, and Domon could see her eyes welling up. She quickly blinked them away. "Domon, I like you; a lot. You're my best friend and you're like this twin brother I never had. And I understand your feelings towards me, I really do, but…I love Mi-chan…and we're going to get married soon. So please understand…don't be upset about us…and please don't get mad at Mi-chan. And if you're worried about me and my pregnancy, please don't. Because Mi-chan will take care of me…and I'll take care of myself for you. So please Domon…"

He stared at her for a while, but it only made his heart sore. He set the pain aside and gave her a weak smile. "I wish you all the best in the world, Fuuko-chan. Good luck…and thanks for all the memories."

Fuuko's eyes softened and she smiled. "Arigatou…" She grinned. "I promise you I'll never let our child forget Uncle Domon."

He smiled and turned to walk away, but Fuuko called out, "Don't worry, Domon! I'm sure you'll find someone right for you real soon!"

Yeah right, like I could find another you in this lifetime, Domon smirked. He walked into the back office, expecting to see his boss up and at it and ready to scold him for taking an unnecessary break. 

His boss was awake alright; but he wasn't scowling or ready to fire him or angry at all. He was smiling.

"Domon," Takaneko-san said, folding his hands together. "Help just came in. I've finally found someone around here for you. You don't have to be the sole worker anymore." 

Domon raised his eyebrow. What the hell was he talking about?

Takaneko-san gestured towards the changing room and beamed. "Say hello to your new co-worker, Kamiyuki Fuuri."

And a beautiful, petite young lady stepped out of the changing room, wearing a green halter-top and cycling shorts under the coffee shop apron. Her long, purple hair was tied in a braid and her dark green eyes shone as she beamed up enthusiastically at him.

Domon gaped. 

"Ne, Takaneko-san, I'm ready for my first day!" Fuuri skipped towards the boss's desk and her breasts bounced as well. The boss nodded, and she walked over to Domon. 

Now that he was looking at her up-close, he noticed that she had a nose ring. "I'll only be working the morning shift, Ishijima-sempai! I just took up Mechanical Engineering and my real job is at the Togashi Auto Mechanics. Which pretty much means I don't know what the heck I'm supposed to do here. So will you be willing to teach me around here?"

Mechanical Engineering? Togashi Auto Mechanics? This girl had just named his own course and real job as well! Domon grinned evilly and leaned in on her. "I'd be willing to do more than just help you, sugar pup—" 

He got cut off when Fuuri delivered a full-fledged and very Fuuko-like punch into his face.

"Hentai," she pouted, and bounced out the office door. Domon rubbed his swollen cheek, looking at the direction she disappeared to. Finally, the huge weight at the bottom of his heart seemed to be lifting itself away. He smiled.

He had a feeling that Fuuko's last words to him just came true.

**~owari~**

2:25 pm pure pinoy

April 27, 2002 (Saturday)

FuJinGrL 2002!

Talk about big W-H-E-W. I have just finished that long Tokiya+Fuuko sequel!!! This is the longest fic I've ever made!!! Finally their romantic and problem-packed relationship has come to an end!!! And with a happy ending for everyone!!! YEYEY!!! FoR gang, it's time to PAR-TAY!!!!

Domon: C'mon, Fuuri-chan!!! DANCE LIKE YOU'VE NEVER DANCED BEFORE!!!

Hanabishi: Iko, hime-san!!! (drags her all the way) 

Yanagi: Recca-kuuuunn!!!

Fuuko: Mi-chan! Mi-chan!!!!! Where did you goooo???? What are you doing running like that???

Tokiya: Damn it! FuJinGrL's just finished another fic!!! I'm getting outta here before she spots me and creates another damn story!!!

FuJinGrL: Oh, Mi-chaaaan!!! Come out come out wherever you are!!!!!

Well, anyway, I've decided to end the loooong story and won't be making any more sequels of this. And if you're wondering if Mi-chan and Fuuko's child is a boy or a girl…well…that's for me to know and for you to find out! I hope I didn't waste your time and I hope you enjoyed my third-person point of view thing. I kind of wanted to change my usual first-person point of view style, so here. Hopefully it's okay, but if it's not, then send me your comments! I'd be happy to hear them. And now it's time to give Mi-chan his long-awaited break for once! See you in my next fics! Ja!


End file.
